Men And The Raw Deal They're Getting


Men And The Raw Deal They're Getting
Breaking down the male struggle to be your 'perfect mate.'

I realize the dangerousness of my actions. I’m betraying my sex by talking about how hard men have it. It almost seems like a crime against nature. I’m willing to embrace the fallout (in a public women’s forum, no less), for the sake of the greater good. We’re at the height of a relationship revolution and if you decide to be one of the proactive few that apply this information, your boyfriend or husband will pay you back in kind. I’m here to say, men are getting a raw deal.

Mind you, it’s not that women have it easy. We don’t. We’re expected to be the perfect mothers, professional go getters and come home, clean the house, cook dinner and end the day looking like a lingerie-clad model. But frankly, that issue is for another time and another article. This one’s for the guys (and for the women that love them).

It starts when they’re born. Out of the womb, boys are wrapped in blue blankets and swiftly taken home to their bedrooms, painstaking decorated by adoring parents. Those lovely folks likely decorated that space with sports paraphernalia and filled those toy chests with trucks, baseball gloves and plastic guns to play with. They don’t mean to engender their sons. It’s simply a societal norm; Boys are tough. Girls like to share their feelings.

They continue on through this journey of life with the belief that to be a man, you must grunt, scratch and keep your feelings to yourself (and probably deny that you have feelings at all). They grow, get validated for their ‘manly’ traits and then enter the dating world. Men descend from Mars, women descend from Venus (Thank you, John Gray!) and this is where it all starts to go awry.

The natural divide feels frustrating and we don’t really see how to bridge the gaps. In a way, it’s almost easier to accept that we’re so different because then, we don’t have to do anything to change it. But, the truth is that many women don’t accept that their partners are different and simply go about their relationships with these unique but splendid beings. We want our men to talk! We want them to share their feelings! We want them to connect! After years of begging, pleading, cajoling and negotiating, some men actually brave the waters, dive in head first and start revealing those softer parts of themselves. They share their emotions, they share their power and some even start to enjoy it a little. We’re euphoric at the change. We succumb to the bliss. Then, another hitch emerges, because we eventually turn the tide on them.

We don’t want them talking about ALL of their feelings and we don’t want them giving away ALL of their power. They’re human. They hear what we want and do their best to give it to us but there’s a secret AND a solution here…despite perception, we require balance.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT


Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT



Location: Beverly Hills, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Life Transitions
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