ProConnect

Falling In Love With Potential

By

Falling In Love With Potential
He looked good on paper, why isn't this working? Read on to find out what to do next.

I see it all the time in my practice. A relationship doesn’t work out and we exclaim “but he looked so good on paper!” He had all the right assets that you imagine will make your relationship work. He is good looking, financially stable and has a wonderful circle of friends, yet something falls flat. You two just don’t connect. Why is it that something which looks so right can turn out so wrong? This is a common problem plaguing modern daters. I call it “falling in love with potential.”
In her book Jane Austen’s Guide to Dating (Hyperion, 2005), Lauren Henderson uses the works of the author generally considered to be the last word on gentility and civility to demonstrate her rules of dating (sic, I advocate no rules but indulge me for a moment while I rely on an outside resource.) Henderson writes: “We’ve all fallen for men because they’re drop dead gorgeous, have tremendous athletic talent, or have other standout qualities with which we want to be associated. But when we do this, it’s less about them than it is about expressing our own lack of self esteem. Believing that we aren’t beautiful, or talented or clever enough, we try to achieve these qualities by attaching ourselves to men who possess them, rather than working on improving ourselves.” To quote another well known author, William Shakespeare, “therein lies the rub.”
Falling in love with potential means we are selling ourselves short because we look at what we *should* want, what we *should* think, what we *should* do. Don’t should on yourself ! When you are listening to someone else’s definition of what is right, whether it be a friend or your mother or society as a whole, you are not listening to your own inner voice and I stress again and again that you must lead with your gut. Like a jilted character in an Austen novel, you will end up dissatisfied if you look only at surface qualities to make you happy because what you are really saying is that you need something more to make yourself special. You are enough as you are and you need to know that.

To read the rest of the article: http://alison-robertson.tumblr.com/post/24078836437/fallinginlovewithpot...

Email me at info@alisonsays.com to set up a personal consultation today.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
chilly walk

5 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Dream

We all have a dream. To do the very thing that we love to do that makes us feel fulfilled, ...

Distant Woman

Confidently Know When to Say "No"

This past week I’ve found myself crammed for time. Between dealing with finals for ...

Homosexuality: 10 Tips For Parents Of Gay Kids

10 Tips For Parents Of Gay Kids

Be Out about your child's sexuality.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS