A reader of mine asked:
More from YourTango: How To Have The Relationship You’ve Always Wanted
I recently met this guy and everything seemed to be going ok until he started taking over 3 hours to reply to my text messages. I thought guys were into texting but apparently not this guy. Why is it taking him so long to answer my messages? We can be texting back an forth for a while then suddenly NOTHING for hours. I told him this bothers me but he keeps doing it!
What’s the problem? I’m really frustrated especially because we don’t talk on the phone or on the internet…just texting.
This article will deal with the WHY (he does this) but also with the WHAT (to do to change his behavior).
I want to start this one off by mentioning that guys don’t really prefer texting. Most of the time they just text for 3 reasons:
1. They think that you prefer texting.
2. They find it easier to text rather than talking on the phone.
3. They do it to avoid talking on the phone, at times when they don’t feel like talking.
Most of the time, when they don’t immediately reply to texts it’s usually because they are busy with something else. I think most guys will agree here: men are pretty single minded and deal with things in a task oriented approach. This means that when they’re doing something, moving on to do something else (texting) might break their concentration from the first thing they were doing and as such, avoid doing the other thing until the first one is finished.
The above is probably the most common reason behind why men don’t text in a timely manner. This is why it may happen sometimes but it should NEVER happen all the time.
If it takes him too long to reply back or this happens on a regular basis (such as your example Lisa) here are the other most common reasons:
- He’s really busy with work (meaning this should only occur during work hours)
- He’s not that into you (so he feels he doesn’t really need to respond)
- He might think you’re needy (he might feel pressured so he doesn’t want to reply)
- He doesn’t have the phone near him (but it can’t be an ongoing behavior)
- He’s with another woman (if you’re not yet exclusive this may actually happen)
- He is playing games (many women play text games, take hours to respond to a guy so he might just be doing the same thing – but this can be quickly rectified)
You’ve also mentioned that you told him this bothers you but he hasn’t changed.
Unfortunately when you tell men that their behavior bothers you (Why didn’t you text back? Why didn’t you call? Where are you? etc etc), you might think you’re telling him to change but all he thinks is: “Man this girl is needy!”
More from YourTango: Why Guys Don’t Call You Back After The First Date
It’s very simple and I never knew about it until a girl did it to me. For example, you we’re talking earlier about meeting later that night but then he goes cold and doesn’t reply for hours…