Your smartphone and computer may not be your relationship's best friends!
We live in an amazing age where there are so many methods of communication open to us, so many ways to stay in touch with the people who are important to us. However, in the case of our most intimate relationships, sometimes the best communication methods are the old-fashioned ones. In fact a recent article in Australia’s News.com stated that Oxford University psychologists found husbands and wives who kept in touch using technology had less satisfying marriages; this included Facebook, emails, texts, tweets and instant messages.
Why is that, you might ask? You would think that more communication is better right? Well sometimes maybe not so much. It turns out that the quality of communication is more important than the quantity. Read on for some tips.
The thing about social media is that it is often in the moment. It is an immediate release and many times not well thought out before your thought is put out for all to see. If you have a solid relationship, there shouldn’t be a need for Facebook posting in order to connect and certainly you should think three, four, five, ten times before posting anything intimate or angry about your partner online.
Social media is way too social and way too public to use as a method of communication between you and your sweetie. While Facebook and twitter and instant messaging all serve their purpose in terms of keeping in touch with those with whom you may not connect on a regular basis, it is still really a little impersonal, especially when held up against the other methods of communication.
There are times when texting can be useful, for example when people have jobs that don’t make it easy for them to connect via telephone during the workday. However, the important thing to remember about all communication is that it is comprised of two parts: the actual words that are spoken or written, and the meaning or the feeling behind them. When your primary method of communication is written, it is so easy for your meaning and feeling to get lost in the translation. There are so many times that something that is meant to be humorous or tongue-in-cheek can be misunderstood when it’s just written no matter how many LOL’s you put behind it. Add in the factor of the typos that “smart” phones can produce and your texts, emails or Facebook posts can easily send a message you didn’t intend.
An intimate relationship should be just that - intimate. The best communication for intimacy is face-to-face. When you sitting there looking into each other’s eyes it is so much easier to see what your partner is thinking and how they are feeling. Face-to-face communication allows for more of the meaning and the feeling to come across while you were talking. If face-to-face communication is impossible, then a few minutes on a telephone conversation can convey so much more meaning than any of the other methods. A five-minute phone call or even less in the morning before starting the day, or around lunch time, or any other convenient spot doing your work day is such a personal way to stay in touch. There is something about the sound of your sweetie’s voice that you just can’t get through any other method.
If you are going through any type of conflict, It is infinitely better when possible to have your communication either face-to-face or at least on the phone. In conflict resolution, it is so important to use all the parts of communication, speech, tone, meaning and feeling to be sure that each of you is fully understanding what is being said. Losing any one of those aspects as you would through text, emails, social media or instant messaging could really send you into deeper conflict, by adding miscommunication to whatever your underlying issue already is.
For deeper communication, less misunderstandings and greater intimacy stop tweeting, instant messaging, or Facebooking your partner. Pick up the phone and let them hear your voice. It is so much easier for your love to shine through.