What NOT To Hide If You Want To Attract a Great Man


What NOT To Hide If You Want To Attract a Great Man
Women make 2 key mistakes when they seek a man through online dating.They hide their best qualities.

She is an amazing woman.  She is mid 50’s.  An accomplished therapist and yoga teacher.  Well-read.  Wise.  Funny.  Urbane.

Yet when she came to me for a coaching session about her online communication with men, she said that all she was attracting online were mediocre men.  Not the leaders she desired.  Not the strong capable men she was sure was out there in New York.  

More from YourTango: What Your Man Secretly Wants In Bed

She couldn’t understand why she was getting that response.  It didn’t take long for me to see what she was doing, and suddenly, it all made sense to her…

She “hid” exactly what she wanted from a man – and hid what would most likely catch the attention of a high-quality man!

I will give you two examples, so that you don’t make the same mistake.

First, she said nothing about the “character” of the man she wanted to attract.  One of the first things I teach women is to be sure to write to the “character” of the man they want, rather than toss out mere “characteristics.”  A shared love of tennis or walking on the beach is very nice – but you are not filtering out the great men from the mediocre.
If you want to attract a truly great man, you need to specify the character elements you require whether its leadership, respect in his community, true to his word, community service – whatever is most important to you.

Here’s an example, supported by another axiom of mine – which is to couch your description in terms of admiration or appreciation and respect (triggers for male attraction to women)

“I especially admire a man who does volunteer work in his community…”

“I find nothing sexier than a man with a reputation for honesty and

Raise the bar!  And the lesser men will back away, while the better men step forward.

Second, she didn’t use any photos of her doing yoga!  Big news here – men respond to images of vital women’s bodies!  Especially stretchy vital women’s bodies.

I asked her why she left those out and she said, “I didn’t want to intimidate the reader.”

I wanted to jump through the phone and put my hands on her cheeks and look her I the eyes and say, “I want you to intimidate the reader – if he’s the kind of man who gets intimidated by a strong, healthy, slim, accomplished woman!  You don’t want that guy anyway.  You want the man who not only desires a woman like you, but is deserving of a woman like you.”

Online dating can be a funny place, if you treat it as a broad net being cast.  The goal is not to get hundreds of letters from mediocre potential partners.  The goal is to attract a few letters from extraordinary potential partners.

More from YourTango: How To Cure To Dating Frustration

And the only way to do that is to communicate how wonderful it would be for a man to have you in his life (which I cover elsewhere), to call for the truly great men by describing in detail the character of the man you respect and admire, and to stand for your excellence.  Not with hubris, not with undue pride.  But with grace, so that he can recognize the prize that you are.

To learn more about how to construct the “perfect” profile that attracts only quality men, please watch this short video I made for you.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts

6 Texting Shockers You Must Avoid!

Sending your man a text message sounds easy enough, but get it wrong and it could be the end of you.


The addiction to "busy"ness: How to live with more intention

Is the daily routine of life getting you down? Find your passion and live a more authentic life!


Guide to Becoming a Soulfull Woman Understand Your Beliefs

Once you understand where your beliefs about yourself came from, you determine what's really YOU

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>