Women say they want a quality man - a man who is self-aware, tender, funny and who will devote their hearts, minds and resources to an enduring love. Here’s the problem…
A lot of women, at the same time, decline to take the steps to become the woman who would naturally attract that kind of quality man.
Few have hit this target better than Lori Gottlieb in her sobering book, “Marry Him: The Case for Mr. Good Enough,” when she said that desire has become the new “deserve.”
In other words, just because you can imagine it, “The Secret,” notwithstanding, doesn’t mean that what you desire will plop out of the heavens and into your arms – because you deserve it.
It’s simple – if you want to win the gold medal – you’ve got to train.
As with so many things, you can see trends clearly by reading online dating profiles.
Men tend to err by focusing too much on talking about their accomplishments and the dry facts of their lives, with a tin ear to what inspires a woman. You’ll see a compilation of hobbies and a list of countries visited. It’s how men naturally assess their lives. It’s understandable. But is this a way to meet a woman’s deep heart’s yearning?
Women make a different error, although an equally understandable one. They tend to write about what they want. I want a tall man who will take me to movies and cuddle with me at night. I want a guy who isn’t a flake. I want a man who knows what he wants in life. I want, I want I want, I want.
Sometimes it sounds like a kindergarten class of petulant children.
If you are a woman who wants to attract the BEST men, focus less on what you want and more on what will inspire the right man to step forward. When a man sits down at the end of the day to see who’s out there, his first concern is not what “you” want. It’s what he wants!
And what he wants is a woman who can show that she understands and likes men. So include a line such as…
“ I love men. I love men who have close friends and who take time to do “guy” things. I admire men who have that “protective instinct” and makes me feel safe…”
A man wants a woman who is already happy in her own life and knows how to bring that joy to meet a man’s joy to create something new and creative and fun.
“Sometimes I lose count of how many things make me happy during the day – the happy face of my Collie, the herb garden in my window, my neighbor walking his little son to school, the late afternoon breeze that comes off the river, the way the cinnamon and clove aromas mix with the baking apples when I’m baking up my trademark apple pie…”
Trust me – as a man, that is pure catnip to catch my attention! And not just for pie. For the joy she takes in life, for the sensual pleasures she is awake to and will doubtless wake me to, spicing up in my busy “heady” life.