For your sake, and the sake of your future relationships, deal with your past before moving on.
Anyone who has been through a breakup or divorce knows how difficult it can be to learn how to move on after the relationship has ended. If they have been in the relationship or marriage for several years, it can be even more difficult to get back out there and start dating again. Most may not even try because they are too scared.
I know of people who were so scarred and scared that they spent the rest of their lives alone, and that is a true shame. Do not let that happen to you, unless you really truly want to spend the rest of your life alone. Yes, the breakup of a long-term relationship or divorce is painful but you certainly can get over it. It really comes down to you giving yourself permission to do so. It also involves you no longer choosing to punish yourself and instead, allowing yourself time to grieve and then move on.
Most people who choose to shut down and close themselves off (essentially making themselves emotionally unavailable) after a breakup or divorce don't really take the time to deal with their pain and the issues that led to the relationship ending in the first place. Relationships fall apart for many reasons and dealing with it really is the only way to move on. If you do not give yourself time to deal with the pain, then you won't ever be able to move on.
If this is you, there are several things you can do to help yourself.
- First and foremost, feel what you need to feel and then find a way to get over it. You have a life and now is the perfect time to go live it. If you just do not seem to be able to move on after several months then please do not hesitate to get help from a professional such as a coach or therapist.
- There is no shame in getting the help you need. This is your life and if you ever want to be happy and have a fulfilling relationship in the future then you really need to address the issues and deal with them once and for all.
- It is not at all advisable to jump right back into another relationship. Figure out who you truly are in your new life and then learn to not just like, but really be madly in love with the new you. This may take time to learn, but every day is a step closer to being whole again.
Most people make the big mistake of trying to drown their sorrows by finding someone else to replace their lost love. Huge mistake. Not only do you run the risk of hurting someone else just because you have not really moved on, you also could make the huge mistake of thinking that you are in love with the new person when in reality you are just in a rebound relationship.
For your sake and the sake of your future relationships and anyone else you may meet, please take the time you need to allow yourself to heal before you look for solace in someone else's arms. This is the only way you can be sure that you are healed enough for a real relationship.
Having a fulfilling and loving relationship is really possible after breakup or divorce, but it will take some time to come to terms with everything you have been through. Allow yourself this time and your future will be much happier.