Motherhood Changed Me, And That's Okay

After having a baby, your thought process on a lot of things gets reframed.

mother and son marypastukh / Shutterstock
Advertisement

By Shyanne Kollefrath

When I got pregnant, I knew that motherhood was going to change me.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to live a spontaneous life anymore and would have to put more thought into planning my day-to-day activities.

I knew little things would be more complicated such as making dinner or doing laundry, simply because a tiny human would be relying on me every waking moment.

There were things that I didn’t account for, though. 

RELATED: 100 Motherhood Quotes That Highlight All The Perks Of Being A Mom

Advertisement

I’ve had depression since I was about 16 years old. I have always been able to manage it without medications and through various coping mechanisms.

But during my pregnancy, it became unmanageable.

I couldn’t get out of bed on my days off. I spent most of my time crying, and even the smallest tasks were impossible.

Then, I started taking antidepressants, and it made life a lot more tolerable. 

Advertisement

Once I had my daughter, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. It was getting worse and worse as time went on.

My doctors began upping the dose of my medication to keep up with the worsening symptoms. Eventually, it evened off.

But even today (6 months postpartum), I can’t use the same coping mechanisms as before my pregnancy. 

RELATED: To The Mom Who Loves Motherhood — But Misses Her Freedom, Too

Pregnancy changed me in other ways as well.

Before my pregnancy, I was completely set on having a career.

I never thought I would be the type of woman that would want to become a stay-at-home mom.

I knew I would love my child and spending time with my child, but I also knew I would need a break. 

Advertisement

Funny enough, though, I was wrong. 

I do love my child, and I love spending time with my child.

The idea of bringing her to a babysitter every day absolutely kills me.

I now want nothing more than to be with my child and watch her grow and learn every day, and it hurts that I don’t have the resources to do that. 

RELATED: What Carrie Fisher Taught Me About Being A Mom With Mental Illness

Advertisement

Lastly, it changed how I connect with other people.

The experiences I had while pregnant and postpartum helped me connect better with those also suffering from depression and other parents.

Before becoming a parent, you never really understand how difficult some decisions and challenges can be.

After having a baby, your thought process on a lot of things gets reframed.

Advertisement

It has helped me connect better and become a better support system for my friends who are also mothers. 

Mentally, I was in a completely different headspace before getting pregnant.

While motherhood has changed me in different ways than I imagined, it has also given me the gift of my daughter.

It’s okay that motherhood has changed me: It was supposed to, and I don’t regret it one bit.

RELATED: The Worst Thing About Motherhood Is Also The Most Painful Thing To Admit

Shyanne Kollefrath is a writer who focuses on relationships, health and wellness, and parenting topics. Visit her author profile on Unwritten for more.