5 Simple Ways To Have The Best Sex Of Your Life — Starting Tonight!

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How To Have The Best Sex Of Your Life In A Monogamous Relationships
Sex

Grab a towel. It's about to get hot and sweaty in here...

I host a Facebook live show every week on YourTango's page dedicated to talking about the problems we all face in the messy world of sex, love, and dating. It's a blast, and I think the people who join me have bonded together as a group to uplift and support each other. And as I about some of the most common questions I'm asked during these Q&As, I've noticed one particular question every woman out there seems to have grappled with at one point or another over the course of a long-term monogamous relationship.

How can you have the best sex of your life when you've been together FOREVER?

The truth is that the sex you have when you've been together for 10 years is never going to be the same as the sex you had the first time the two of you fell into bed together, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing! In fact, the kind of sexual connection that comes with knowing each other backward and forward is the just the key you need to have sex that's more exciting, hot, sweaty and toe-curling than either of you have had yet!

When it comes to figuring out how to have the best sex possible, these 5 quick fixes are totally worth trying out — tonight.

1. Watch porn together.

It's amazing how long you can be in a relationship with someone and NOT watch porn together, and it's equally amazing just how powerful of a boost doing that one simple thing can be. If you want to bring back the spark to your sex life and your relationship, this is 100% where you should start. At least, in my humble estimation.

RELATED: 4 Ways To Watch Porn TOGETHER Without Hurting Your Relationship

If you already watch porn when you're alone then you should have a good idea of what gets you the most turned on, and frankly, there isn't much that's sexier than sharing what turns you on with your partner and vice versa.

You can have sex while you watch or after. You can both masturbate while you watch. Or you can both keep your clothes on and refrain from any and all contact... but that last one is probably going to be hard to manage in this situation, which is kind of the point as well.

2. Make out like teenagers.

Sure, at this point in a relationship you know exactly which buttons to hit in order to turn each other on. Fondle this, flick that, kiss here and then, voila! Orgasm city. But being well-versed in the machinery doesn't mean doing everything by rote isn't boring as hell after awhile.

Getting back to the basic bases with each other can be even hotter than hitting that home run. Pick a night of the week to get freaky and then... do NOT get freaky. Seriously! Keep all of your clothes on and set some rules along the lines of kissing and touching over the clothes, but nothing else. Then see how long you can stand it.

This is one guaranteed to get you both all hot under the collar!

3. Explore your fantasies together.

When you've been having sex with the same person for a long time, you may assume that you've already covered all of the sexual bases in regard to what gets you both aroused. If you are thinking this right now, I can guarantee you that you're absolutely wrong, and if you've been stuck in a rut, it's time to start sharing your fantasies with each other.

RELATED: Smokin' Hot! 30 Super-Sexy Fantasies To Turn Into Reality, STAT

If your partner is shy, start by opening up to them about the whatever it is that makes you most excited. And since sharing sex fantasies needs to be done a judgment-free zone in order to feel fun and safe, make it clear from the get-go that all you want to do (at least, to start) is talk and that no matter how strange one of your fantasies may seem to the other, neither of you will laugh at, make fun of it, or bring it up at a later time that would make the other person feel shamed.

When you find something within your fantasy idea jar that you're both eager to explore, keep going from there. Sometimes, just the act of talking about what turns you on is enough to reignite that spark.

4. Outsource your kink.

Sometimes when you things have gone stale in the bedroom, exploring popular kinks like BDSM seems like the most logical place to start. But it can be overwhelming to jump straight into the deep end of a sexual fantasy you've never actually explored before.

Luckily, there are a wide variety of different mail order services that can take the planning and research out of your hands. I heartily recommend Fantasy Box, a monthly subscription service that curates a kinky experience for you and your partner. It comes with carefully-detailed instructions, costumes, and fun toys, too!

5. Reevaluate your relationship agreement.

It could be that in order to kick things back into gear in your relationship all you need is a quick fix like those already suggested above. There are times, however, when what seems on the surface to be a sexual rut may be an indicator that something else in the core of your relationship needs to be evaluated more closely.

People are constantly growing and changing. Maybe you and your partner started off as monogamous, but now you both want to explore sexual relationships with other people. Maybe your communication about things around the house have broken down, and the lack of fun in the bedroom is actually due to the building resentment boiling just under the surface for you both. Take a good, clear-headed look to see what it is that's really going on and start from there.

With the ability to communicate in place in your relationship the sky (and your kinkiest or tamest of fantasies) is the limit!

RELATED: Why Couples Who Dirty Talk Have Way Better Sex, Says Science


Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm EST. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

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