8 Men Share The GROSSEST Things They've Ever Found In A Woman's Apartment

Photo: weheartit
gross things men found in a woman's room
Sex

"She pulled out a dirty dildo from behind her mattress."

While we don't expect our dates to be searching for dust particles when they come to our apartment for the first time, we do want to make a decent impression. But there are times when guys visit a girl's apartment and are absolutely horrified at what they find. 

No one is saying we need to go out and hire cleaning help or spend all weekend polishing the furniture. That'd be trying too hard. But maybe getting rid of last week's takeout or stained bed sheets would be a good place to start.

 

 

Basically, anything that would offend our mom were she to come over probably isn't a great way to introduce ourselves and our home to someone new. Plus, nothing kills the mood like things that smell bad, are stained, or attract vermin.

Whether it's a really bad situation or something really rare, we asked what men think about your dirty apartment as well as the gross things men found in a woman's room during a hookup. Here's what they had to say.

1. She pulled out a dirty dildo from behind her mattress.

"I met a fellow stand-up comedian at Broadway Comedy Club. She flirted with me hard and wanted to make plans the following night. She invited me up to her apartment. When I walked into her room, it was dirty. Not messy. I mean I should have been wearing a hazmat suit. The sheets were super-stained and half on her twin-sized mattress. I couldn't tell the color of the floor. And there were open containers of food and Ramen all over the place.

I knew I didn't want to have sex with her. I got onto her bed — sorry, mattress — and we fooled around. After getting mad at me for not wanting to have penis-in-vagina sex, I fingered her and she handed me a huge purple dildo. That was fine. I was 21 and certainly no master with my fingers. She whipped out her not washed dildo from between the wall and mattress and told me to peg her with it while I fingered her. I completed my assignment before insisting I'd feel better (cleaner) sleeping at my own place. We kissed and I went home to take the longest shower ever." —Billy Procida, comedian and host of The Manwhore Podcast

RELATED: Men: STOP Making These Same Damn 5 Mistakes In Bed, Please

2. A mouse ran across her floor.

"She was making dinner for us (not one of our first dates, so it was just hanging out, not a big romantic thing) and a mouse ran across the kitchen floor. I have a phobia of them and had to immediately leave. And yes, I saw her again because I’m terrible at meeting people."

3. There were clumps of hair blowing around her bathroom.

"I went into a new partner's bathroom and there were open, face-up, used pads just laying on the top of the trashcan. Just out there for all to see. Spoiler alert: it wasn't blue liquid like on the commercials. The same person had clumps of hair, I swear the size of golf balls, both in the shower and blowing around freely like tumbleweeds. It was a very short-lived romance." —Josh Ortiz, Public Relations Executive at Forward Approach Marketing

4. Her toilet seat was grimy.

"The bottom of the toilet seat was disgusting. Apparently, no one ever lifted it — even for cleaning."

5. Cat hair literally lined the walls.

"It was many years ago. I went to a party of vegetarians in Queens. I'm allergic to cats and immediately felt the dander upon entering the apartment. I went to the bathroom after I started sneezing and choking. In the bathroom, the walls were covered about a half-inch or so thick with long grey cat hair. I begged my boyfriend (at the time) to leave. I was gasping for air. He asked me to hold on a bit longer so as not to embarrass his friends. The dander hung through the apartment air and I was miserably wheezing and coughing."

6. Her teeth were in a jar.

"A jar of her teeth next to the sink. It's the equivalent of a horror movie."

RELATED: The Crazy Night My Hookup Took Role-Playing TOO FAR

7. She kept a box of used condoms under her bed!

"Back in the day, I had an overnight with a girl I had been dating for a short while. I was aware she had to work in the morning so I wasn’t surprised when I found a note telling me what a fun time she’d had and some info on how to lock the door when I left. While searching for one of my shoes that had made its way under the bed, I stumbled upon a large flat box. Thinking that it might contain something spicy, like some sex toys or porn, I peeked inside only to find a collection of used condoms!

While I have no idea how many individuals had produced this prodigious number of artifacts, it was clear she had kept enough of them to curate her own prophylactic museum. It was even more disturbing to me was when I realized that most were reservoir tipped. Yep, she had enough specimens to create her own sperm bank! Talk about a buzzkill.

Of course, I got to wondering if anything of mine had been retained as well, so I looked around. It didn’t take me long to find the evidence of our encounter on the nightstand beside the bed. Without delay, I scooped it up and took my leave, never to be enshrined with her other Johnny-come-latelies." —Forrest of Aneros.com

8. She never changed her sheets.

"I think I've been ultra-fortunate in my dealings. Maybe once or twice I've encountered a bug that needed squashing, but the biggest yuck I've ever bumped into is unchanged sheets. We tumbled into bed after a pretty good first date. Her room was a mess — bed unmade, piles of clothes indistinguishable in their level of laundered, multiple glasses of water on a makeshift nightstand. I felt at home.

However, one stay-over became another and I realized that these were the same sheets for well over a month. And I didn't notice because I'm a true crime fighter, but because the (non-biological) stain was in the same place. And they began to itch. Most of our time there was in the dark and twilight so I really never got a great look at the linens, but it really started to creep me out thinking of all the sweat and other human experiences that may have been left on those 28-thread count mamajamas."

.......

Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyles writer. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly. Visit her on Twitter or email her at alywalansky@gmail.com.

Author
Blogger