5 Signs The Guy You Love Is NEVER Going To Marry You (Even If He Says He Will)

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5 Signs You're Never Getting Married To Your Boyfriend (Even If He's Said He Wants To Put A Ring On It)
Love

This may hurt, but you need to find out.

If you're the marrying kind — and please notice the operative word there is "if" — and you're in a serious, committed relationship, chances are you and your boyfriend have already talked about marriage. I don't mean that he's bought a ring, of course, but if getting married is important to you, you've probably made that clear to him, and he, in turn, has probably made his feelings about relationships and marriage clear to you, too.

Yeah, but life doesn't always work out that way.

While mature couples whose homes look like the pages of Architectural Digest might have mastered the art of being open with their feelings and using "I" statements when they quietly fight, things aren't always so easy for the rest of us here on planet Earth. 

RELATED: 5 Types Of Men No Woman Should EVER Marry

So there's a good chance you've been together for years now and you're committed to him — and you THINK he's committed to you — but so far, there's no darn ring.

In instances like this, it's tough to be the one who's always bringing up the subject of maybe/possibly/probably/definitely getting engaged. You don't want to seem desperate or clingy, and, really, you aren't.

You just want clarity and he's not giving it to you. 

When you reach that point, it's time to take a serious look at this relationship so you can figure out just how serious he really is about a future with you.

And even more than that, it's time to take a serious look at HIM and whether or not getting married is something he wants to do at all. And if he does, if he seriously pictures YOU as his future bride. 

Now, looking for signs that you'll never get married can feel pretty darn bleak. However, I am a firm believer in the fact that getting confirmation now that a man doesn't want to marry you is better by far than figuring that out ten years from now, or even five years into an unhappy marriage that you pushed for even though he was never completely on board. 

RELATED: 5 (Actual) Signs Your Guy Is Ready For Marriage

Learning this stuff sucks the big dong, but honestly, it will make you tougher, smarter, and more open to real love when it does come your way. 

Five women, who shall remain anonymous, shared the moment that clued them into the fact that their own partner wasn't ready, and never would be. If you recognize any of these behaviors in your own man, you may want to re-evaluate whether you should still believe you'll ever get married to this dude.

Here are 5 signs you're never getting married, even if he's said you will:

1. He can't express himself. 

"After five years of exclusive dating, he never told me that he loved me. Not even once. It took me a long time, but I finally got the hint."

Communication is key when it comes to a relationship. That's just as true for casual sex and hookups as it is for marriages and committed relationships. And if you are in a relationship with a man who is incapable of expressing how he feels for you, he is actually sending you one very clear message: he is not marriage material. 

Sure, it's probably not you, it's probably him. He's riddled with more baggage than a blocked carousel at the airport. He has his reasons to behave the way he is behaving. But that doesn't make it okay. Your partner needs to be able to love you AND tell you he loves you. If he can't, he needs to show you he is taking steps to change that in order to help the relationship grow. Sitting firmly entrenched in his own BS while refusing to take responsibility for his emotional maturity is his way of saying, "Sorry, but we are never getting married." 

2. He plays games with you. 

"He called me wasted and said, 'If I ever get married, I'll love you more than my wife. But I would NEVER marry you. Don't you know how life works?'" 

First things first: if a dude's personality switches dramatically when he's drunk, that should be a huge red flag. And if, when he's drinking, he tells you that he'll never marry you, know that he means it. Sure, sometimes the stuff people say when they are drunk is meaningless, but sometimes it's actually the truth, courtesy of the inhibition dropping powers of alcohol. 

No matter what state your relationship is in, a man you are seriously dating should never, ever play with your head. If he seriously sees you as a potential lifelong mate, he's not going to denigrate you or play games with you, no matter how many cold ones he's knocked back. 

3. He keeps you a secret. 

"We were together for three years and I found out his parents didn't even know my name."

When a man wants to make you his wife, he wants to show you off. That means inviting you to hang out with his friends and co-workers, and more importantly, it means helping you form a real relationship with members of his family. If you want to marry him, you make him get to know yours, right? So, of course, it goes both ways. 

It's one thing for a man to be cautious about introducing you to his family, but it's another thing entirely for him to completely hide your existence.

If his parents don't even know that you're dating, he is as good as saying that he is single and has no plans to settle down anytime soon. 

4. He won't talk about it. 

"I would bring up marriage and he would change the subject. It was funny at first. But after seven years it ceased to be funny."

Giving a man an ultimatum is generally a terrible idea. That said, when you hear stories like the ones above you can understand how a woman might feel driven to behave that way when it comes to her relationship.

You've been together for the better part of a decade and guess what? Nothing has changed on his end. Initially, a refusal to talk about marriage early in a relationship might mean he's just not ready to go there yet. However, if he stays in that mindset for years, he's simply passing time with you. He's comfortable with how things are and too cowardly to be truthful with you about that. 

You deserve a partner who tells you how he feels, even when that's hard to do. Do not settle for anything less. 

5. He's cheating on you. 

"I caught him cheating, but we worked it out. Then I caught him cheating again. He proposed to me and we worked things out, and then I found out the next week he'd never broken things off with his side chick."

That's right: a man can propose to you, put a ring on it and have ZERO intention of ever actually marrying you. While some men have a healthy relationship with commitment, others just don't. Some view it as something they are obligated to do in order to placate their partner.

Which is... ridiculous. 

An engagement ring is not a band-aid. It's not a stop-gap measure. It's not a pill that's going to make you forget the fact that he's sexually incontinent. Serial infidelity is definitely a sign that a man might not have what it takes for marriage — or at least, for marriage with you. 

If monogamy is important to you and doesn't seem to be something he's capable of, don't expect that to change just because he put a ring on your finger. 

By and large, if you want to be in a relationship that leads to marriage, you have to be prepared to wait for a partner who feels the same way. You've also got to be ready to cut your losses when it comes to relationships that aren't heading in the direction that you want them to. 

Absolutely anyone can get married. It's like falling off a log.

But if you want to get married and stay married you have to be with a man who wants those things too and wants them with you. Be ready to talk, be ready to express yourself and make yourself vulnerable.

It's good practice for marriage! 

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

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