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3 Ways To Make Kinky Sex Way Less Scary (& More Fun, Too!)

Sex

How to get what you want, safely.

Couples everywhere have a lot to thank 50 Shades of Grey for, when it comes to kink. Sure, it has its problems, and it is not a good guide for how to safely and ethically practice BDSM, but it got the world talking! 

What was once taboo in the world of sex has become both more acceptable and more popular.

CBS News reports, "The fictional couple's peccadilloes have certainly been a boon to the sex toy industry ... Following the trilogy's publication, sales of BDSM-related toys, CDs and books spiked 7.5 percent. Rachel Venning, co-founder of Babeland, a popular sex toy company based in New York City, says she's seen a nearly 40 percent increase in sales of BDSM products. "

But not everyone can suddenly increase the kinky sex in their life — especially if they're in a relationship.

So how can someone who is just starting out bring some color and kink into their sex life?

In our latest Quickies video, sex & intimacy coach Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey — creator of the podcast The A to Z of Sex ™  — offers a beginner's guide to bringing kink into the bedroom without moving too fast.

Here are three of her suggestions, but there's even more to learn in the video above, so check that out, too. 

1. Attend a munch.

Yes, you read that right: a much.

Think of it as a fandom meet-up for kinky sex lovers instead of for comic books.

A munch is where a group of local people get together (usually at a restaurant or pub) over food and just discuss their interests and passions. It's a safe and totally chill place to find people who like the same things as you as well as find out more about the kinky act you want to explore.

 

2. Explore the many options available to kink-lovers.

The easiest way to test the waters is by reading erotica together.

Find some erotica that has your desires and read it together or read it alone (whatever you're more comfortable with) and then come back to each other and talk about it.

It's a great way to get the conversation started and it will also allow your partner to have a peek into what could be in store. 

 

3. Explore your specific tastes with your partner — in a judgement-free zone.

The ONLY way for this to have a chance at working is if both of you are completely judgment-free.

You cannot judge your partner unfavorably if they don't want to give your kink a try and your partner cannot judge you for your sexual fetish.

Honesty is the backbone of any healthy relationship, so be honest about what you're interested in and listen to what your partner is comfortable with. And be willing to compromise!

 

Whether you're single and dating or in a committed relationship, it's never too late to bring some kink to your sex life!

But just like learning to swim, you can't just jump into the deep end.

Take it slow and do it properly, and there is no reason why you can't leave vanilla behind and embrace some other flavors.

 

If you or your partner are thinking about trying something kinky, talking about bringing kink into the bedroom, or have any other sex-related concerns, check out Lori's website or write to her with your questions by clicking here. She's here to help.

 

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