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What men notice first about your personality.
By Brittney Lindstrom
Last updated on Feb 22, 2024
To men, we're considered confusing and to women, men don't know what they want. But they do. Society and the media portray men as caring more about physical characteristics rather than who a person is. But that is not what several men whom I interviewed reported. Once they identified traits and characteristics that were not physical, they were able to elaborate on why it’s important to them. There were many different answers but the 5 listed below were the most common as well as the umbrella for other things that fit under it.
Here are 5 little traits men find undeniably attractive in women:
1. Emotional intelligence
There are so many explanations and definitions for emotional intelligence, so I am going to keep it vague and open for your interpretation. Emotional intelligence is having the ability to effectively use your emotions. It allows people to make rational and logical decisions in all realms of life. One man said that emotional intelligence is attractive because it means women are in touch with their emotions but also know how to keep them in check.
2. Honesty
Men adore honesty. They find it hot and also refreshing. The men I asked believe it is hard to find an honest woman and for women, it's hard to find an honest man. Why do some men and women feel that it's hard to find honesty? You may be going after men or women that align with your past relationships, so try and expand your horizon outside of what you are comfortable with or used to.
3. Positivity
What's not attractive about an upbeat person? One of the men interviewed claims that positive women generate vibes and energy that are positive and the man interviewed reported it was attractive and "captivating."
4. Fairness and equality
A few of the men interviewed saw fairness and equality as very important on both sides of the relationship. One said, "I want to be able to share my sensitive and vulnerable side with someone who does not grasp the gender stereotypes so many have put on men and women." When asked how many times he has had to hide or mask his emotions and sensitivity, he replied, "I've had to hide it in most of my relationships and I don't want to do that anymore." Another man believes that being able to treat one another as equal counterparts in all aspects of life is one of the most attractive things about a woman. He further explained that men and women conform so easily to gender norms and stereotypes and to find a genuine and authentic woman who displays fairness and equality in a relationship is rare but super attractive.
5. Someone who lets them have "me time"
Men reported that although they enjoy their time with their partner, they also want to maintain their independence as well. One man stated that when a woman can do her own thing and he can do his thing with mutual respect and trust, it's undeniably attractive. Another man stated that the women he has come across were insecure and unable to detach from the relationship and do something else such as hang out with friends or be with family. He reported that for women who are secure in themselves and their relationships, it's a turn-on.
These 5 common themes seen across the table with the men interviewed were not uncommon but usually not reported by men. Usually, men and women tend to focus on physical attractiveness and aren't asked what is attractive in someone that doesn't have to do with looks. The men I interviewed took their time in answering and needed time to think about what was most attractive to them in an emotional context.
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Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor. She writes about relationships, psychology, and personality topics.