5 Things Introverts Do To Ruin First Dates

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Love, Self

*head desk*

Being an introvert and existing in the world don't exactly go hand in hand.

That said, unless you're chill with living life alone atop a mountain somewhere, you have to learn how to make that noise work.

I'm a 34-year-old introvert, and it's something I still struggle with every single day of the week.

Ask me if I can make eye contact with the UPS guy who comes to my apartment building almost every day.

The answer is no. 

 

Related: 5 Ways Introverts And Extroverts Use Facebook MUCH Differently


If making small talk with coffee shop employees has actively kept me from returning to said coffee shop, you can only imagine what a pleasure introverts like me are when we go on first dates.

Yup, it's a hot mess.

A little bit of how introverts are with new people can be chalked up to shyness, but then there's stuff there's no explanation for. 

When I have a first date go badly I usually know it's because I'm an introvert. 

I've clocked the 5 things introverts do to ruin first dates, and I'm here to share them with you so that you can recognize them and stop yourself from sabotaging your next potential love connection type relationship thingie. 

1. Canceling or rescheduling.

I am so so so so so so guilty of this.

When you are an introvert, you need a lot of time to yourself.

When you don't get it, you can turn into a total monster.

Your alone time takes priority. 

While it's good of you to know what you need, it's not so good to prioritize your time alone over the commitments you make to other people.

If you make a plan, do your very best to stick to it.

Little things like that are a way of actively demonstrating that you respect others. 

 

2. Not making eye contact. 

It can be hard to meet the eyes of other people for a prolonged amount of time for anyone.

For introverts, it can feel like a trial by fire.

That's because for us, engaging socially is draining.

It leaves us feeling tired and weak. 

But avoiding all eye contact isn't the way to go. If you want to get close to someone, you have to meet their eyes. 

 

3. Being terse. 

When I'm one on one with people I know or small groups I've spent a lot of time with, I have no problem talking.

I can talk to beat the damn band and love every second of it. 

However, talking to new people — especially new people you might want to have sex with— can be an absolute nightmare.

A million thoughts can overwhelm you alongside a million different fears. 

All of this brain activity can leave you tongue-tied. 

But be aware that saying too little on a date can make it seem like you aren't interested.

If you aren't interested, cool, keep doing you — hell, lean into it! 

But if you are, do your best to make with the chit-chat even if you're worried about sounding dumb.

You're aren't dumb! You're great, and this person you're on a date with is lucky to get to spend time with you. 

If I can give you one awesome piece of dating advice, it's this: never forget how stupendous you are. 

 

4. Overcompensating 

When you're an introvert, you can be all-to-aware of how you respond in a moment.

If you've been told that your shyness or anxiety make you seem bored, it's not a great idea to go another direction and seem WAY engaged.

Keeping your eyes wide, laughing hysterically at sub-par jokes, these things don't make you seem engaged and happy to be there.

They make you seem insane. 

If you're worried that your introvert ways are making you affect seem flat, remember to smile a little bit more than usual. 

(But frankly, if a guy is going to write you off for such a minor offense, he might not be worth your time anyway, between you, me, and the wall.)

 

Related: I Didn't Know I Was An Introvert — I Just Thought I Hated People

 

5. Dodging a kiss 

It's one thing to dodge a kiss if you aren't feeling it, but it's another to be really eager to smooch and then panic and pull away out of pure introvertedness. 

I have dodged not one, but two kisses from men I was eager to lock lips with on a first date. My instinctive panic ruined the moment and kept me from date two.

Now, when I'm out with someone for the first time, I try to explain that  I can be skittish, but it's not a reflection on them. 

Being open is scary, but it's so much better to get it all out there than to stay silent and risk missing out on something potentially awesome!