11 Things You Believe About Sex That Are RUINING Your Sex Life

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Sex

Nope!

Our views on sex have been skewed over time due to many factors, but mostly because of poor sex ed throughout our entire lives. This doesn't just fall on middle and high-school teachers, but any parents' in-house "birds 'n bees" discussions as well.

From a young age, we've been programmed to see sex through one lens and frankly, it f*cks up our actual sex lives and leaves us a bit ignorant and judgy to the views of others. 

We put our biases on other people to maintain a level a normalcy, and it's not fair to ourselves or others. That said, we could all stand an updated and more adult sex-education to improve our attitude toward sex. In the meantime, it's important to figure out what parts of your own sex education might be skewed or messed up, and what the truth is about these things! So this might just help set things right that might have otherwise been mixed up.

Truth is a lot of things people believe about sex are wrong. Here are 11 misconceptions about sex aka "sex facts" that are probably royally f*cking up your sex and dating life:

 

1. If a man has experimented with another man sexually, he's "gay."

Everyone has a right to a preference, so yes, you can absolutely choose to stop dating a man who has had sexual relations with a man and decided it wasn't for him. But if you do this, know that it's your preference and maybe even inability to understand human sexuality (I'm guilty of this too, so no judgment), not because he's "gay." Men have every right to experiment in the same way that women do, but due to years of shifted cultural norms, many people don't all see it that way.
 
Your sexuality is defined by the things that turn you on. So if I'm a straight woman, it's because I know that I'm attracted to men in a sexual way. But some people might not be that certain and want to get answers to questions they aren't sure about yet. Men might still have urges that they want to work out, and a man experimenting only to discover it wasn't for him doesn't make him gay. If you can't move past that in a relationship, then you might be passing up a great guy who has already found out that women are absolutely where it's at in his sexuality spectrum.

 

2. A lack of orgasm equates to bad sex.

Some women freak all the way out because they've yet to experience orgasms, but the truth is not every woman can experience an orgasm and while they are great when they occur — orgasms aren't necessary to have enjoyable (or even amazing) sex. But, if you really want an orgasm, don't wait for your partner to give you one — go gets yours on your own! There are even ways you can experiment with sex toys during sex so that even if you can't achieve an internal orgasm, you can still get a great clitoral one, which both you and your partner will love. But orgasms take practice and knowing what you like, so get started figuring out what can get you there! 

3. Having to use lube during sex means you're somehow lacking. 

Even before Rihanna declared, "a b*tch never had to use lip gloss" on her most recent ANTI album, women were running scared of lube. Some of it may not even be fear, necessarily, but instead believing you need to have enough lubrication all by yourself. Hear this though: the wetter, the better. Besides, lube can be used under a few different circumstances during sex or foreplay, like putting it on your lips to help lubricate his penis during oral sex.  Stop having a one track mind when it comes to the diverse world of lube! So to answer your question: No, the use of lube doesn't equate to a "broken p*ssy."

4. Scheduling sex is somehow lame or for old boring married couples.

If you've ever been single with a f*ck buddy, it's no secret that you're scheduling a sex appointment. Why does this seem to be a problem in marriage? Yes, spontaneous sex is always better and you should continue to aim for it, but scheduled sex will always win out over NO SEX (that's just not living).

When you're busy, sometimes it helps to have a plan to make sure that you and your partner are still spending time connecting with one another. There's nothing wrong with that! You can make it as crazy (or romantic) as you'd like.

 

5. Sexual compatibility between you and your partner doesn't matter.

There are people who believe that an average relationship can thrive, that's just not true. As always there are exceptions to this rule, and granted your sexual compatibility is NOT everything, but it matters and it matters in a big way. Too big of a difference in sexual appetite may most certainly be a deal breaker. Whatever your differences are, you're going to have to learn to compromise or find a way to manage because sexual compatibility IS a big factor in any relationship. If one or both of you aren't getting what you need, you might go looking elsewhere...

 

6. Sex is everything.

As mentioned above, sex is big, but it doesn't have to mean everything. Other factors contribute to the intimacy of a relationship, and in the same way a healthy sex life helps you to thrive, non-sexual forms of intimacy help to build a bond as well. To build intimacy, it can be as simple reading to each other in bed, cooking together, or even just holding hands (in public or privately) — it truly is the small things that make you swoon sometimes.

 

7. Porn movies illustrate real, actual sex. 

Trying to imitate or educate through porn is usually not the best way. It can be more harmful than helpful — so don't just watch it and try to copy what you see. You'll just be disappointed.
 
 

8. You must make love all the time in your relationship.

I learned a long time ago that making love is way different than f*cking. Sometimes a good ol' fashioned f*cking is in order! It's not always necessary to make sweet, sexy love, and the gritty, raw, dirty type of sex can be looooooong overdue.

 

9. Toys in bed are emasculating to your guy. 

Women opt out of experimenting with toys, both alone and with their partner because some men fear the presence of sex toys. They feel as though the use of them means they're doing something wrong and that's just not true — especially in this day in age. Sex toys can make an exciting sexual adventure even more fun.

 

10. Waiting or not waiting to have sex will somehow make or break your relationship (or chances at one).

You may have read this in Steve Harvey's book, or you may have heard it from your mother, but I'm here to tell you it's a lie.

Men will not respect or disrespect you more or less based on when you have sex with them. I have witnessed one night stands that turn into engagements, and women who wait to have sex end the relationships or have it turn into a bust, and even vice-versa. I've been the woman who waited, I've been the woman who just did it in the early dates of a relationship, and I've personally seen the same result. 

At the core of it, it's the man. He's always going to want sex, and your choice to sleep with them on the first or fifth date isn't going to impact whether or not the relationship works out.


Related: Being 'Sex Positive' Doesn't Mean I Want To Sleep With Women
 

11. You are to blame for your rape because *inserts bullsh*t excuse prompted by rape culture*

For centuries, women have been considered "at fault" for why they were sexually assaulted or at least that's what they'd like us to believe. But whether you changed your mind before or during sex, or you wore something sexy to a party or a date, or drank a little too much — you were not asking for it. It's bullsh*t that society would rather point fingers at rape victims rather than teaching men to practice self control.

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