You hold all the power.
Finding your soulmate can be feel like the hardest and most stressful thing in the world. (Which sounds pretty counter-intuitive, right?)
That age-old dilemma is exactly what Senior VP of YourTango Experts Melanie Gorman asked the panel in our latest Expert video. You can see their full comments in the video above, but, our team of love and relationship Experts — John Gray, Noreen Ehrlich, and Katherin Scott — all agreed on one major point.
If you can't find true love, the number one thing that is standing in your way is a lack of CLARITY.
Without clarity, it's almost impossible to find a good relationship. After all, you won't even know what type of relationship you're looking for unless you spend some real time thinking about it! Are you looking for something casual or are you looking for something that could lead to marriage?
Those might sound like fairly basic questions, but, by narrowing that variable down, you've already significantly narrowed down your playing field to a slightly less terrifying number.
But, unfortunately, even that's not enough.
Now that you have a clear idea of the kind of relationship you want, you need to figure out the next question (and this one is hard) — What do YOU want in a man?
Yes, it's important to think about where you want — or are willing — to live and factors like that, but the truth is, that doesn't even scratch the surface of what you need to know about your ideal partner.
Close your eyes and picture your dream man. Not just what he looks like, but also what his personality is like.
Don't focus on the negatives and what you DON'T want him to have. Just focus on what he SHOULD have. Is he funny, intelligent, traditional? What do those qualities mean to you? (Because, yes, brains would be nice, but intelligence can mean something different to each woman.) Is religion something that is important to you?
Five things that, if they aren't met, there is no discussion of even starting a relationship. Everyone has those things that are near and dear to their heart. You need to figure out yours.
While you might think it's fine to just date casually or that you'll "just know" your soulmate when you meet him, you need to realize that's very unlikely.
Think about it like this: You might not know where to buy a selfie stick, for example, but, once you're ready to buy one, you'll start to see advertisements for it everywhere you go.
The same is true for your relationships. If you know what it is you're looking for, you'll be able to notice it — or notice the lack of it — in the men you meet within a few minutes! That is why clarity is so important. That is why clarity is ESSENTIAL when it comes to finding true love.
So don't worry about taking a bit of time before you jump into a new relationship and trying to figure out your priorities. Give yourself a moment to pause and get your thoughts and desires in order. In the long run, it will be SO much better than wasting your time with a guy who was never right for you in the first place.
If you need help figuring out what you want in a guy, dating in general, or any other relationships problems, please visit the websites of our Experts and contact Noreen, John, and Katherin directly. They’re here to help.