WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
It seems like over the past few years Oreo cookies have really upped their output when it comes to novelty-flavored cookie.
There are birthday cake Oreos and Swedish Fish Oreos and candy corn Oreos and mint Oreos (arguably the least offensive of the bunch).
Now, there are Peeps Oreos just in time for you to break your Lenten vows.
I spotted these in my own grocery store recently and probably thought something like "wow, that's a total atrocity."
Apparently, I am not most Americans, and these Peeps Oreos have been enjoying a real popularity.
That is, until now.
You see, the coloring of these pink-colored treats has led to something rather unexpected: People who are eating Peeps Oreos have started pooping pink.
— Marc Devon Lau (@LuchadorCoreano) March 1, 2017
I mean, that doesn't sound so bad, right? It could be worse.
I shudder to think what color red velvet Oreos could transforming poop all over the world to look like.
To me, the real problem isn't the pink poop, it's the pink everything else.
My roommate ate a whole pack of oreo Peeps and left a pink stain in the toilet. — ElleLeven (@Barbeydahl) February 23, 2017
I'm an adult, I don't want to eat a cookie and have it look like I've spent my day on a tricycle eating lollipops and throwing pennies onto railroad tracks.
The dye Oreo is using, it's got staying power, and while people may love that Peep-y (lol) flavor, they are not nearly as enthused about the pink color that is slowly taking over their lives.
It's like Harold and the Purple Crayon, only the crayon is Pink, and it isn't a crayon, it is your poop.
Hold on to your butts guys, because I am about to turn into YourTango's resident Andy Rooney:
Food should taste like what it is.
Coffee should taste like coffee, jelly beans should taste like jellybeans, and Oreos should taste like Oreos.
BECAUSE IF YOU WANTED A PEEP THAN YOU SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A PEEP AND NOT OREOS.
Frankly, you've done this to yourself.
If you want to eat a Peep and don't relish the idea of pink color track marks on all your underwear, skip the Peeps Oreos and just EAT THE DAMN PEEPS.
Honestly, life should not be the hard, people.