“How did I not see this coming?”
Over yet another wine-induced couch session, we stumbled across the absolute WORST of the worst things that can happen in your dating life. Are you ready for this one?
When you are so positive and confident that the person you are dating likes you WAY more than you like them, and then the unthinkable happens: THEY break up with YOU.
First of all, no one ever wants to get dumped, obviously. But when you are dating someone and you either know the breakup is coming or you want to be the dumper, you have a little cushion of emotional padding. You expect it, it’s how it was supposed to be, you saw it coming.
However, when you're dating someone you have lukewarm feelings about and you gauge their feelings for you as smokin’ hot, this is NOT how it is supposed to end. In this situation, you don't see the break-up coming at all. You hadn’t even thought for one millisecond that you would be the one that would be kicked to the curb.
The whole relationship was a layup in your mind. You were in control, it was on your terms, and then, BOOM reality strikes, you get dumped, and you alone are left to clean up the pieces of a relationship you didn't think you even wanted. All the while you keep asking yourself, “What the f*ck just happened?”
Seriously, this might be the toughest of all breakups to come back from. Once your confusion and rage have subsided, questions come flooding in.
First, you question yourself. We're all selfish by nature, and we hate when we f*ck up. And this, dear readers, is a big f*ck up of perception. You can't help but think you must have read the situation completely wrong.
So then you start beating yourself up, hardcore. “How did I not see this coming?” “I should have known when he said he liked SoCo Lime,” and the worst of them all, “Am I actually delusional that I thought he liked me so much?”
Next, you question them. Who. Was. That. Person. “Did I even know them at all?” “Are they some sort of con artist?!” “Was that even his real name?”
Then you question anything and everything else. Literally everything else. You replay every date, every kiss, every single part of your relationship looking for clues. This quest not only turns you into an insecure person, it makes you terrified of being “caught off guard” again in the future.
Within the questions, the rage, and all the varying emotions felt in this paralyzing situation, the biggest issue of them all is the damage it does to your ego. Egos are a very very precious thing. They give us confidence, they make us “us,” and they are the only voice within that thinks we are the absolute sh*t. And we can’t think of anything more like a sucker-punch to our egos than being dumped by someone you don't like.
The biggest question your bruised ego will ask is, “Seriously, if they didn’t like me, who will?” And that one is a killer for sure.
What advice can we give you, you bruised ego single soul? Chin up, forget it, and move the hell on fast. Abandon your search for answers. If you didn’t like them all that much anyway, does it really even matter?
Remember: your ego bruise will heal over time and that you certainly never deserve to be treated this way. That is the only answer you need in this situation.
So go out and find someone you actually like who makes this whole headache a whole lot more worth it.