If You Fixed These 5 Things, Your Whole Life Would Change
You don't need a whole new life plan. You just need to stop doing things that hold you back.
Getty Images | Unsplash We all have dreams — not just the ones that happen when we're asleep, but the big ones about the kind of life we want to live. Maybe it's your career, your relationship, or the version of yourself you've always imagined becoming. But dreams can be tricky. They can inspire you, or they can haunt you. Sometimes, instead of motivating you, they make you feel guilty for not doing enough. You end up stuck in the same place, telling yourself you'll start "someday."
The truth is, "someday" never comes unless you change what's holding you back right now. The gap between the life you have and the one you want is about habits, fears, and patterns that quietly shape your choices every day. If you fixed these few things, your whole life would change for the better.
If you fixed these 5 things, your whole life would change:
1. You care too much about what other people think
Caring about what other people think is one of the biggest ways to put a hold on your dreams. When you worry about others' opinions of you, it is easier to go along with what society deems acceptable for your life and career. Since getting a 9-5 seems more practical than your dreams of hitchhiking around the country, you settle for that option so no one will question your life choices.
Likewise, if you are so wrapped up in what others think about you, you are far more likely to avoid anything that may cause you to fail, be embarrassed, or look bad. Unfortunately for you, making dreams come true involves taking risks, failing epically, and on some occasions, completely embarrassing yourself.
If you let go of concerns over what other people think, you will find the freedom to actually go after the things you want in life. Life coach Clair Brummell advised, "In a world where people's value is judged on how they look, how much they earn, or what they've achieved in life, it often feels difficult to accept that simply being you gives you value. You don't need anything more. You don't need to do anything more or be anything more than you are right now."
2. You can't make a decision to save your life
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Making life decisions is tough for anyone. With so much weighing on our daily choices, it can be extremely scary to make big decisions on our own. Sometimes it’s easier just to avoid making decisions and choices that could propel your life forward and move you closer to your dreams.
Avoiding decision-making altogether can make you feel comfortable, but it will never help you achieve your goals. Starting a business, picking a college major, deciding whether or not to take a trip, none of these things can happen if you are too indecisive to act on them.
Start giving yourself a specific time frame to make decisions in, and don’t be scared of making the wrong one. Use the power of the internet, do some research, and a little bit of soul searching to help you make more decisions that could change your life for the better.
"A toleration is something you're putting up with instead of dealing with," cautions life coach Kelly Rudolph. "You may not realize how many things you're tolerating in life that are negatively impacting your happiness. When you have something hanging over your head — even something minor — it can increase your anxiety and stress levels and lead you to feel unhappy. By taking the time to stop procrastinating or "tolerating" the problem and fixing it, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache and ease your stress."
3. You treat yourself way too often (and for no reason)
In the age of YOLO, it seems that people are treating themselves way too often. Sure, I’m a big fan of having fun, living life to the fullest, and doing the things you love. However, sometimes, we need to be strict with ourselves and have a little bit of self-control to achieve the bigger picture.
Spending a huge sum of your money on eating out, buying bottles of wine, and going on yet another vacation can inhibit your life goals in more ways than one. Treating yourself all the time, even when you don’t deserve it, will only give you the idea that you should get what you want, even when you didn’t work for it.
You will work less and start to train your brain that it’s OK to work because you will still treat yourself regardless. Have some discipline with yourself. While you may not enjoy every moment of life, the benefits you will reap from the hard work you put in will be much better than a weekly glass of wine.
4. You're terrified of failing
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Is a baby scared of trying to walk because they think that they’ll fall? Nope! Babies are notorious for wobbling around, falling over, and banging their heads on things until they figure out the skill of walking.
Failing is part of life, and some of the biggest names in business and the world’s most successful people tell tales of failing massively before they made it big. Even with the most famous actors in the world, you only get to know them through the roles they have been successful in securing. What people don’t see is all of the times they probably failed auditions and didn’t get jobs.
A study examining the link between fear of failure and shame found "individuals high in fear of failure reported greater shame upon a perceived failure experience than those low in fear of failure." But by being persistent and accepting that you will fail, you can eventually get to where you want to be. Don’t be embarrassed to fail, just give yourself credit for trying in the first place and even more credit for continuing to pick yourself up and keep going until you succeed.
5. You avoid spending time alone
While extroverts have typically been rewarded by society for being able to have conversations and charm potential employers and partners easily, introverts actually have some advantages of their own. Being comfortable with spending time alone is an absolute asset to a person’s personality because alone time is when the magic happens.
Brummell added, "Take time to enjoy things that really feel good to you. Spend time learning to feel happy in your own company. Take yourself to the movies, spend time doing yoga, cook your favorite meal, or simply curl up on the sofa with your favorite book. The point is: make time for you."
Many times, in order to reach goals and be successful, the hard work has to happen alone. Closing yourself off in your room while you learn a new skill, read helpful books, or study for an exam can be what allows you to succeed. Also, you will be willing to take more risks, travel to follow opportunities, and get used to being in charge of your own destiny.
Are you holding yourself back from your dreams? It’s time to start being accountable for your future and living the life that you want.
Shannon Ullman is a writer who focuses on travel and adventure, women's health, pop culture, and relationships. Her work has appeared in Huffington Post, MSN, and Matador Network.
