The Do's And Don'ts Of Effective Get-The-Guy Flirting, Says Science

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When it comes to flirting, many experts in the field of love and dating offer so much advice on the do's and don'ts. Do twirl your hair and flutter your lashes. Don't cross your arms because you appear unwelcoming. Do wear nice clothes. Don't overdo it. Do talk about something interesting about your life. Don't talk about your kids or your last divorce.

There are many flirting tips just like these. Sometimes they go well, and sometimes they go horribly wrong. But what if you base your flirting on science? That is, the science of attraction.

According to a Medical Daily article by Chris Weller, there is a science to flirting in a way that can spark positive results. Here are 5 do's and don'ts of flirting that will teach you how to flirt, according to science.

1. Don't assume your intention is obvious. Do communicate clearly.


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When we flirt with someone, we often assume that they know that we're flirting with them and they are reciprocating. This is called signal amplification bias, where we assume that people can pick up on what we want them to feel and will react accordingly. And this is where the misunderstandings begin. 

A man may be flirting intensively with a woman while waiting in line for coffee at Starbucks, but she thinks he's only being friendly and striking up a conversation while they wait.

"Instead, be direct — not obtuse, but not coy either. Communicate your feelings when they count," says Weller.

2. Don't use a wingperson. Do follow your instincts.

Contrary to popular belief, having a wingman or wingwoman doesn't really help with attracting someone. This only results in miscommunication between you and the person you intend to flirt with and get to know.

But if you absolutely must have a wingperson, choose a wingman. According to a study done by psychologists from the University of Kansas, subjects were shown videos of people interacting and had to guess if the people were flirting or not. The subjects guessed correctly only 38 percent of the time. However, men performed better at identifying flirting compared to women.

3. Don't focus on the physical looks. Do get to know the person.


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This seems like common sense, but many fall for the physical looks prior to the personality. Studies have shown that it's men's "level of explicitness and social affiliations" that predicted a successful chemistry between men and women, not the men's looks. 

"This isn’t to say looks don’t matter. They just don’t matter the most," says Weller.

4. Don't be pale-faced. Do add some color to your face.

A team of researchers found that "the intensity of red coloration in males is associated with social dominance, testosterone levels, and mate selection."

Flushed cheeks attract, but not too much or you'll appear aggressive instead of flirtatious. For the ladies, this is when your favorite blush comes in handy. A little pink flush doesn't hurt. As for the men, however, "If you can help it, stay a little flushed. Maybe your crippling embarrassment can help with that," says Weller.

5. Don't be silent and brooding. Do open up.


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As much as you want to appear strong, mysterious, and brooding... don't. This may seem endearing at first, but then it also repels attraction.

A study about "getting that female glance" discovered that being open and appearing large and dominant is what attracts women to men. This also applies to your body language. Even if you're not speaking, try to appear as open and approachable as you can.

 

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