They've seen it all before. Trust me on this.
My luggage gets one of those friendly Homeland Security notifications almost every time I fly.
You know, the ones that say: “Hey! No biggie, but we had to open your stuff to check things out. This is just a friendly notification. Had we found anything, you’d probably be in a windowless room right now. But we didn’t. So … we good?”
I think it’s because of the large metal toys I routinely pack. One of the downfalls to being someone with a great sex toy collection is that it’s rather hard to leave anything behind. And when your “anything” includes two nJoy Elevens, an nJoy Pure Wand, the custom made “Cooper,” and many other interestingly shaped items, well … not only do suitcases get heavy, but they get, shall we say, far more interesting.
I’m asked almost weekly about how to get through airport security with sex toys, or how to fly with sex toys.
It’s always asked with that elongated, “Sooooo ... ” beginning it.
The real answer?
Airport security has already seen dildos far bigger than yours, far kinkier accoutrements than you’re bringing, bigger floggers, longer lengths of rope, more gallons of lube, etc.
They’ve seen it. It’s not surprising.
Really, the fact that my luggage gets opened is because some of my devices are oddly shaped (The Cooper) and could, yes, be something else. So my luggage is inspected to verify that no, it’s just a giant toy that he probably puts into his ass.
We should put it back.
Put anything you want to play with in your checked luggage, leaving off those things that you’re not allowed to fly with anyway.
Carry on, hmm ... Well, that’s where discretion comes in, I suppose.
I’ve heard tell that the nJoy Eleven may get taken away from you if you’re attempting to carry it on. Homeland Security doesn’t have it included (alongside the chainsaw) in the things-you-can’t-carry-on diorama, but let’s be honest here. It’s a club. A HEAVY METAL CLUB. And you could very easily brain someone with it. So should you be able to carry it on? Probably not. Check it.
Other items, especially those more obviously geared toward sex (had you never before seen an nJoy Eleven, would YOU peg it as a pleasure object? [see what I did there?]) will likely have very little trouble getting through security. You may encounter a grumpy TSA agent who wants to embarrass you a bit, but we’re all sex positive here, right? We're all confident in our right to choose our own toys as consenting adults.
Feeling confident that what you’re carrying is AWESOME makes the more otherwise awkward moments better.
Like on our way into Mexico, when the agent monitoring the x-ray called not one but TWO other agents over to point and whisper about what was in the toy suitcase.
I gave her a wink when she made eye contact.
Now, the REAL problem with bringing all of that awesome along … suitcase weight restrictions.
Listen now: On this episode of Life On The Swingset: The Podcast, Ginger, Cooper, Shira, and Dylan talk about masturbation and why, in swinging and non-monogamy, we have all the opportunity in the world for sex and we still continue to jack off and jill off. We discuss discovering masturbation, techniques, toys, and why we love ourselves.
This article was originally published at Life on the Swingset. Reprinted with permission from the author.