I Stacked Stuff On My Boobs To Prove How Big They Are

The internet is a decidedly weird place. 

If you doubt me, you've obviously not spent a lot of time on the web.

What are you doing with your time, "reading books?" 

If you have you'd know that stuff like planking, cat breading, and young white male nerds twerking are just the tip of the weird-stuff-on-the-internet iceberg. 

Giphy

The latest trend involves big boobs and it's (surprise) totally ridiculous. 

Here's the premise, to demonstrate the fact that you have big boobs, you balance your phone on them. It started as a drawing in a popular Japanese cartoon, and exploded from there. Soon, everyone started doing it.

You know, like this:

Tumblr

That's it. That's the extent of the fad. 

Literally. 

You put your phone on your boobs, take a picture of this with some other device and let the world at large marvel at your big boobs I guess. Can you imagine doing this as a teen and being like, pleased with the results?

"I've got to send this picture of my phone on my boobs to Timmy. He will be very impressed at how my boobs can hold up objects ... I guess?" 

Trust me, if someone needs to see a phone on your boobs to know they're big, you've got bigger problems. 

All of this said, and because I am a serious journalist, I tried it, for science. 

According to this test, my boobs are big. Though I have to say, there doesn't seem to be anything really sexy about resting objects on your boobs.

Observe:

I decided to up the ante and make this test harder to pass.

A phone was for chumps, let make this interesting. 

I looked around to see what was close by and found the bowl I'd filled with tasty crackers for a nighttime snack. Perfect. I rested said bowl on my boobs and it worked like a charm. 

That said, few things make a person feel less sexy than resting dinnerware on your person. 

Next up, I rested my cat on boobs, and it would've work perfectly had the cat not been enraged that I moved him from his place of slumber at the foot of my bed. 

This was the best photo I could capture, and it is horrible:

You live and learn I guess. 

I think that there are two ways this craze could go if it really wants to be successful. 

First option, they up the ante. Take a page from my book, big and small boobs of the world, and see what other large objects you can rest upon your bossom.

The sky is actually the limit.

Think of all the hilarious piles of crap precariously balanced on big boobs. It's like an adult version of Doctor Seuss only with more soft core pornography. 

The second option, and my favorite, is instead of taking photos of yourself with your phone resting on your big boobs, you take a selfie with the phone on your boobs to prove your point. 

These selfies are sure to be universally unflattering. Case in point: 

The pores. My god, the pores. We shall not speak of the nostrils. Agreed? Agreed. 

Moving on. 

Anything other than what the trend actually is would be an improvement.

Not to get all high and mighty but putting objects on your boobs to demonstrate their size IS LITERALLY OBJECTIFYING THEM. Rather than playing this trend off as something sexy, we'd be better off showcasing what it really is: Totally ridiculous.