This Realistic Penis Mask Makes The BEST Halloween Costume For Dicks

Photo: Ebay 
penis mask for halloween
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MY EYES.

In many respects, Halloween is the most wonderful time of the year. 

If you are in a relationship, you get to explore awesome couples Halloween costumes. If you're single you can work what your mother gave you with a badass Halloween costume!

On Halloween, the world is your proverbial oyster. You can be whoever (or whatever) you want to be! 

Most of the time this is great news. But there are those decidedly rare moments where this freedom can be, well, kind of disgusting.

Take, for example, the vagina mask that had the internet all atwitter this week. Oh sure, a sexy Donald Trump costume is one thing, but wear a ridiculously well-detailed mask that transforms your face to look like a vagina and people really get up in arms! 

But don't worry guys, if you were jealous that the ladies were running around with vaginas where their faces should be, we've now got the perfect Halloween solution to all of your costume problems. I mean, if your problems are solely about the penis. 

BEHOLD: 

 

Ebay

That's right, there is a penis mask and it is exceptional. 

 

Ebay

Unlike its sister, the vagina mask, the penis mask comes with eye slits so that you can theoretically see where you going at all times. If the eye slits don't work, you can always just listen for the sounds of crying children or parents yelling "pervert" in your general direction. But at least you can confidently know that for at least one day of the year, your penis is very big. 

The penis mask also comes in a second shade, for people with darker skin. It's not a whole rainbow of skin tones, sure, but it's at least more than the relatively white vagina mask had to offer. 

Ebay

Oh my god I am praising a penis mask for being racially aware. This is my life right now. 

ANYWAY, the penis mask also has a nice little opening on the top. While it would be difficult to make a bodily fluid come out of said opening, you could always like, rig a tiny whipped cream can to go off, if you're feeling very crafty and very perverse. 

Also, if you're a woman and you want to prove that you've got a MASSIVE pair of ovaries, this penis mask is basically costume perfection. 

This penis mask is a great option if you plan on staying at home on Halloween and eating all of the candy without the annoyance of trick-or-treaters. It is absolutely guaranteed to keep anyone and their children away from your front door. It will probably also get you added to a couple of different watchlists. 

That said, if your girlfriend has her heart set on wearing the vagina mask and you're in desperate need for a last-minute couple's costume, there is something sort of charming about a penis and vagina walking down the street, hand in hand. 

 

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