12 Signs He's Not In Love With You — He's OBSESSED

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Horror movies: purveyors of accurate depictions of obsession since 1960.
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Horror movies: purveyors of accurate depictions of obsession since 1960.

The weird world of romance movies often makes obsession sound oddly romantic. In rom-com movies, an obsessed guy is often a moderately attractive sweetheart who shows his love in awkward ways that just backfire on him. Horror movies, on the other hand, tend to be a bit more realistic about obsession.

Obsession isn’t cute. It’s not charming. It’s terrifying, and it often means that the man in question is more likely to wear your skin than he is to just be a plucky, adorable husband.

The problem with a lot of people that are obsessed — or are involved with obsessed people — is that they don’t recognize obsession for what it really is. If you notice these signs about your partner, it’s not love. It’s obsession, and it’s something you need to run away from:

1. He knows things about you that you never told him. 

Does he know where you were with friends, despite you never telling him? If he’s regularly stalking your Facebook or reading your emails without your knowledge, it’s obsession. Normal people do not need to know every little detail of your life.

2. He’s tried to intimidate other guys to keep them away from you.

Sometimes, guys are overt about this. Other times, the only reason you’ll know is because the guys he tried to "scare off" will approach you in private or will all suddenly bail. If he’s doing this, you need to stay away from him. It’s clear he’s looking to control you, and that is never an indicator of love.

3. You’ve caught him lingering around places you go, without any reason other than to see you.

This generally is a sign of Courtship Disorder — and that tends to mean he’ll act like a stalker. This is obsession, and not a good sign.

4. He doesn’t seem to take no for an answer.


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If you’ve repeatedly told him that you’re not interested, but he doesn’t seem to get it, he could be a douche. If he keeps trying, despite months of disinterest, he might be obsessed.

5. If you tried leaving him, he tried to make it impossible for you to leave.

Yep, this is obsession and abuse. You may want to get the police involved at this point. It may save your life.

6. People regularly call him "your stalker."

This might be a joke, but there’s no laughing matter about the message they’re sending to you. What they’re saying is that he’s really acting obsessive, and that he’s a bit overly into you.

7. He seems to know you, but you don’t really know him.

A guy who’s genuinely in love with you will be someone who you know well, too. You’ll know he has a thing for anime, or Game of Thrones, or sushi. You’ll know where he works and where he hangs out. This is because he took the time to know you and fall for you.

A guy who’s obsessed with you will likely know a lot about you, but you may not know much about him at all. In fact, it’s more than likely that you only may know him as "that weird guy on campus."

8. He pays a lot, and I mean a LOT, of attention to you even when you’re basically making a point to tell him it’s not a long-term relationship you’re looking for.


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If he’s sending you daily love notes, calling you all the time, and basically trying to monopolize your time, it may not just be infatuation. If you notice other things here mentioned on this list, it’s obsession.

9. You get the feeling that he’s in love with the idea of you rather than the real you.

From personal experience, I can tell you that a man who’s into a Manic Pixie Dream Girl is more likely obsessed than actually in love with the girl he’s with.

10. You feel like you’re suffocating around him.

He’s decided that he must get you, he must be near you, and he must treat you a certain way. You feel trapped because he doesn’t seem to feel like he’ll be OK without you. It’s surprisingly scary and smothering to be obsessed over.

11. He’s unnaturally jealous.

If he gets explosive and snippy when he hears you talking to other guys, it’s obsession. Love isn’t always that jealous, you know!

12. If you think about it, he’s actually quite delusional.


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Most of the stuff he’s thinking doesn’t make sense — and if it does, it does so in a warped, weird way. This is a sign he’s delusional and obsessive about you, rather than actually into you. 

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