Why You Feel SO Alone Even When He's Sitting Right Next To You

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People In Relationships Are Often Lonelier Than Singles
Love, Self

For the longest time, it was hard to understand why.

I remember when I was in a particularly toxic relationship shortly after I dropped out of college.

He was a man who was known for being incredibly popular with the ladies and it was beginning to affect me. Girls who once were nice to me basically started to snarl at me because they wanted him.

He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him that his friends didn’t really like me and would basically force me to hang out with him while everyone fawned over him and ignored me. 


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It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, but it did.

I remember one day he decided to go to an anime convention and began to get upset when I no longer wanted to mingle with people who literally wouldn’t even say two words to me. It was at this time that I realized how lonely I felt. I felt alone, even with my significant other standing right next to me.

And it was because I was, in fact, alone.

I've had a lot of relationships where I was more alone in them than out of them, and for the longest time, it was hard to understand why.

Maybe it was because my interaction with my friends died down. Maybe it was because it was a bad relationship and I stayed in it thinking that I was still "together" with someone.

The older I get, the more I realize my experiences are not too different from others.

Being in a relationship, a particularly bad one, can be very lonely. And while society may tell us that just being in any relationship is better than being alone, the truth is that being with someone doesn’t mean that you aren’t lonely.

If you don’t believe me, do one of these things:

 

1. Ask the harried married mom who is taking care of kids as well as an unemployed husband who whines about doing house work whether she’s alone.


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Ask her if she feels like she and her husband are really a team. Ask her when was the last time she saw her friends. Chances are that she’s very, very alone — and that she’s sick of his sh*t.

 

2. Ask the ex-girlfriend of the controlling boyfriend who isolated her from her friends and family if she felt alone with him.

I can guarantee you, from firsthand experience, that she did.

 

3. Ask the husband whose wife always rejects him for sex and treats him like a roommate if he actually feels like the marriage isn’t a lonely one.


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If online message boards show anything, it’s likely that he doesn’t feel too happy in his relationship.

 

4. Ask the wife of a husband who’s constantly working 15 hours a day how she feels about her marriage.

Even if she won’t admit it, I can guarantee you that she feels alone in her own marriage. I know because I’ve been in relationships like that, too.

We forget, so often, that relationships aren’t always happy, nor are they always partnerships. You can be with someone and not have anyone you can talk to. You can be taken but feel like you’re never part of his life.

And, if you ask me, it’s way more common than we all want to think it is.

Being alone in a relationship is hard because you always wonder if you're being unreasonable or clingy for feeling that way. It's also often a sign that you aren't as happy as you should be in your coupledom. 

If you’re more alone in a relationship than you would be otherwise, you might want to rethink actually being with the person you’re seeing. From what I’ve gleaned from my time in relationships, being that lonely when you’re taken is a sign that you might just be better off single. 

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