Why Getting Married Is TERRIFYING For Independent Women

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Why Getting Married Is Scary As Hell For Strong Women
Love, Self

I had busted my ass to get where I was. What if getting married meant giving it all up?

I had been dreaming about my fiancé proposing to me for well over a year. I fell for him without reservations, without fear. I had been through hell when I met him — a pregnancy tainted by a husband who was cheating, becoming a single mom when my daughter was 2 months old, losing two stepchildren that I loved as if they were my own, and building my career up from a year of stagnation.

I had become the woman I always wanted to be. I relied on myself, I was strong, and I was no longer intimidated by those who pushed back at me.

But that didn't mean I couldn't fall in love. And god, how I fell My fiancé is my soulmate and meeting him was like a balm to my soul. I had already built myself up out of the ruins — he didn't save me. But he brought such a light into my life. He made everything better and brighter and more lovely.

And still, in those early months of our relationship, when I knew I wanted to marry him, the thought of marriage was completely terrifying.

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What if I slipped into old habits? What if I lost all my friends again because I wouldn't stand up to a husband? What if I felt belittled again, like a chain to my husband? What if I relied on him for everything, again, and what if I felt like my self-worth came from his level of happiness?

I had busted my ass to get where I was. What if getting married as a strong woman meant I had to give it all up?

Of course, it doesn't. Marriage isn't a death sentence. Just like motherhood may change you, it doesn't have to steal your identity. My first marriage had gone the wrong way; I had let it. It was up to me if I let it happen again.

But as a strong woman, it can still be terrifying to think about marriage.

It's a fear that you're going to lose everything you worked for. Are you still considered a strong woman if you have a spouse to kill the spiders, to help pay the bills, to rock the baby to sleep?

It's a fear that your identity as a strong woman is gone the minute you say "I do."


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It's a fear that you're giving up on yourself by getting married, that you're telling yourself you can't do it, that you need help.

It's a fear of feeling weak, of feeling like you belong to someone instead of to yourself.

It's a fear of falling into old habits, of giving everything up for your spouse, and letting them be a dementor in your life, sucking out your very existence.

Those fears overwhelmed me for a while. But as I plan my wedding now  knowing that as a strong woman, I'm simply sharing my life with an incredible man  I feel relief.

It's scary to think about marriage as a strong woman, but it's also thrilling to think about it — you don't need your spouse, you want them. And that's better than any pep talk I could ever give myself.

Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.
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