(And why it's so hard to quit.)
Everyone knows that having an affair is wrong. But there are some legitimate reasons as to why people find affair sex so hard to quit. Here, I have outlined some key factors that contribute to the alluring sexual elements of an affair.
Engaging in sexual acts that are forbidden or frowned upon by society is one hell of an aphrodisiac. It may not be pleasant for people to hear but it's the truth. So please, have an open mind and peer into the world of affair sex. Here are three honest reasons why cheating can be so damn addicting.
1. It's taboo.
Obviously. The thrill. The secrecy. The allure of doing something you know you shouldn't be. Sex with someone you're having an affair with would probably be much different under the normal circumstances of a regular relationship.
Granted, some affairs that carry on for years can end up becoming less thrilling over time but for the most part, when two people are having a sexual affair, the fact that they're doing something taboo is an aphrodisiac in itself. There's no boring routine, no responsibilities, and there's no real reason to have sex other than you just can't get enough of each other.
Within a marriage, there's often the thought, "Well, I'm tired but I know they really want sex, so let's do this," whereas, in an affair, that's usually the reason you met up in the first place. Let's be honest: Secret places, dark desires, illicit conversations? It's what taboo is all about.
2. There's a TON of room for freaky experimentation.
If you've been with your regular partner for a while and you've chosen to have an affair with someone, more likely than not you're going to engage in sexual behavior that may not be the norm for your regular relationship.
It's pretty safe to say that a lot of affairs don't last and many people do end up staying with the person they cheated on. So if you do something kinky or deviant in the bedroom, who's going to know? If the affair is secret, then all your bedroom antics will likely be secret, too.
Having an affair is never a good choice. But those who have made that choice are likely lowering their inhibitions while spending time with their secret lover. Also, if you are meeting up somewhere with no distractions (such as kids), then you don't have to worry about being quiet or locking the bedroom door.
There's a feeling of freedom when you have a new partner that no one knows about. You're in a bubble — free to do as you please without feeling embarrassed or weird.
3. Newness is a major turn-on.
Unfortunately, in long-term relationships, the sex can get stale and feel routine. In no way is having an affair the solution to this issue but the desire for something new is certainly a powerful catalyst. One of the more addicting aspects to an affair is that it's a fresh start and a new sexual adventure.
That first kiss, that first sexual touch — these are things many people have not had in a while, especially if they've been with the same person for quite some time. A person can, in a sense, experience sexual activities in a new way just like in that first flush of a new relationship.
And this is exactly why people are so drawn to affairs. They give you that same burst of excitement you felt when you were first dating your significant other. What was once old is new again... but with someone else.
If the elements of an affair were not so tantalizing and addictive, we wouldn't have so many marriages and long-term relationships destroyed by them. People are drawn to new experiences. But this doesn't make an affair right and, in fact, over time the thrill of a new affair will eventually fade and other problems will begin to emerge.
Speaking from personal experience, you must be very careful not to let your senses and desires take control over your life and lead you away from where you need to be. Take my word for it.
Originally a Vancouver Island native, Michelle Zunter now resides in California where she is an ex-corporate slave, writer, artist, mother, stepmother, and wife. Join Michelle as she explores society, parenting, step-parenting, relationships, and much more.