It’s easy to back down. It takes no skill or ability at all to feel bad about yourself and retreat to your bedroom.
I spent a decent part of my life being a silent doormat. I never stood up for my feelings. I let people use me. I held things in. I thought I was being strong for the sake of everyone else.
But in reality, I was weak as hell.
Being selfish is incredibly uncomfortable.
People make it sound like it’s this easy, simple thing to do, but it really isn’t. When you’re so used to putting other people before yourself, doing things for you feels almost wrong.
I can remember feeling so guilty for canceling plans or telling somebody I couldn’t do something. My anxiety would double when I felt like people were disappointed in me — even if I never wanted to do the thing in the first place.
It’s insane, really, that we worry so much about how our lives effect other people when they don’t extend us the same courtesy.
You make a huge effort to be nice to your boyfriend’s family, but he can’t remember your mom’s first name. You’re constantly picking up your friend from the airport, but she never offers to return the favor. Your cousin constantly calls you wanting to vent about her love life, but never asks you about yours.
And yet when that phone rings, you feel bad for not answering.
Well enough. It’s time to stop.
You have to stand up for yourself. You have to fight for your life. You have to do things because you want to do them.
Stop going to things you don’t want to go to.
Stop picking up the phone when the person on the other line isn’t even going to ask you about your day.
So fight that guilt and that need to be there for everyone 24/7.
You are not a superhero.
You are just a person, and you need to think of yourself too.