The Worst Part Of Loving Him Is Having No Idea How He Feels About Me

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The Worst Is Having No Idea How You Feel About Me

I hate being in the dark.

I'm in love with you. Or at least in lust with a high possibility of love. You seem like everything I want in a guy. You're sweet. You're funny. And you're totally f*cking hot.

I couldn't be more obvious about it. When I know I'll see you, I'm always wearing something just for you: something low-cut, high-cut, with heels and makeup and rocking hair. I lean over a lot around you. I drop my voice an octave.

I do everything I can to telegraph the signal: I want to get to know you better, possibly in bed. And still, I have no f*cking idea how you feel about me.


First, it's totally annoying. How hard is it to send out some intentions? A gentle brush on the back, leaning in when I talk, some personal questions all these would signal a desire to get to know me better. And it's a pain in the ass that you can't even manage that. Nor can you manage the opposite: to let me know you're totally not interested.

You don't avoid me. You laugh at my jokes. You say "hi" when we run into each other. What gives? It's completely maddening. Am I being friend-zoned?

You aren't beating down my door for sex but you're not exactly saying no, so I'm wondering if I should assume it's somewhere between the two. We have great conversations. You seem not to mind my company. But I saw you peek down my blouse when I leaned over. I know you watch me walk out the door. That might mean you want to go out sometime, but it also might mean you're male. Nothing's clear with you.

I'm left feeling like I don't know what to do. You're f*ckable, you're dateable, and yet, maybe I should walk away. I don't want to be with someone who's totally obtuse, or who just can't make things clear. I don't want to be with someone who can't make up their minds.


But I know you're single. And you're so hot and so nice. You're the type of guy I could f*ck all Saturday night and take to Sunday brunch with my mother in the morning. I don't want to give up on you just because I can't read your signals.

I'm stuck. I want you. You're the guy I'm trolling right now, and until I find out what you think, I can't go for anyone else. I don't want to make a play for the second-best only to find out you liked me all the while. Let's minimize the drama.

I wish I could just go up to you and ask, "Wanna go on a date that ends at my place?" But that's too direct. I have to have more to go on before I put myself out there.

I wish middle school rules applied in the real world. I could send you a note: "Do you like me? Check Yes or No." If that didn't work, I could send my best friend to ask your best friend if you wanted to go out with me sometime. And if he didn't know, my best friend could drop a hint to him: She likes you.

Then that would percolate along to you, and someone would tell you I liked you. You would say if you liked me too or not. And so, we'd both know where we stood, and we could do something about it. Maybe play Seven Minutes in Heaven.


But no. I'm left wondering if I'm making a fool of myself, while you either pine over me, think I'm annoying, or don't care one way or the other. I wish I knew.

We could have such a good time together. Wouldn't it be pretty to think so?



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