Is Monogamy REALLY Realistic, Or Are We Meant To Stray After All?


It may be hard to admit it, but all of us have thought about this at some point.

Monogomy is an intriguing topic that everyone has probably thought about at least once in their life. In biblical times, it was readily accepted and expected that a man have multiple wives, mistresses and harems. In fact, many cultures around the world, even in modern times, don't adhere socially or legally to the concept of a man being married to only one woman. 

Most men — when I ask if they would like the idea of multiple wives — have a knee-jerk reply of, "Heck Yeah!"


More sex with different partners tickles that primal need to procreate, and to be honest, what person — man OR woman — wouldn't get that jolt of initial excitement when offered the chance? I admit, the old hippie in me has entertained the fantasy of the commune life at least once. Free love and a family of women who care for and nurture a pile of kids with lots of men around to serve and protect...and choose from. Sounds fun, right?

But then I start to think about actually sharing the man I am in love with...and that idea immediately fizzles out completely. No thanks.

Surprisingly, though, the men I’ve posed this question to also do a complete 180 once they get past that initial excitement. They aren't too keen on the idea of their wives with another guy either, and the idea of supporting, satisfying and pleasing more than one woman on a regular basis is a LOT of pressure.

And if we're being really honest, men want their wives' love and trust. 


That's not to say that couples who prefer open relationships are wrong, though. If a couple has a strong enough relationship to be able to make multiple partners work for them, then more power to them. Honestly, the level of communication they must have in order to maintain trust is probably far higher than any couple in a monogomous relationship. We could learn a thing or two from them.

Relationships of ANY kind are constant work. HARD work.

The ultimate reward of totally bonding with someone you love requires forever fine-tuning everything ... communication, delivery, tone, schedules, play, sex, family, habits ... EVERYTHING.

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So, the question still lingers. If the majority of us still ache for a long-term, monogamous relationship, why do we cheat? Why do we divorce? Do we want monogamy because we think it’s what we’re supposed to have, or are we hard-wired for it physically and psychologically?

Are we REALLY hard-wired against monogomy? Or is there some sort of ultimate payoff for being committed and faithful to ONE person?

If you’ve ever pondered this question, or you’re considering having an affair or opening up your relationship to multiple partners, take a few minutes to watch this thought-provoking video. Melanie Gorman (YourTango Experts Senior VP) and our panel of experts, including dating coach Deni Abbie, relationship coach Lewis Brown Griggs, author and anthropologist Helen Fisher, and family coach Melanie McGrath, have some really interesting professional perspectives on this topic that may affect your decision.

After watching the video, if you still have questions or continue to struggle, feel free to visit their websites or maybe even just contact Deni, Lewis, Melanie or Helen.