"All's fair in love and war."
In a lot of ways, those first stages of courtship are pretty intense. Whether we want to admit it or not, the people who we are interested in dating long-term are often debating their options. Seriously attractive people often have multiple suitors, so there's always going to be some competition there.
Even when the competition is strong, there are some ways to make him choose you over her, if it really comes down to it. But here are five tricks that work when you're first starting out, and one surefire way to ensure you get the guy you really deserve.
1: Be engaging, but seem slightly less interested than her.
Basically, you want him to realize you're into him and that you are interesting. However, you don't want him to be pressured heavily into dating you. The reason why you don't want to put the squeeze on him is because men like a little chase, and tend to view women who roll over for them with a certain amount of disdain.
By giving him a chase and by showing him that you are interested, he'll feel less pressure and will likely find you more interesting than the other girl. The key here is to not make it seem like you don't want him. You need to just be slightly less pushy than the other women.
2: If he's been talking to you for a while, suddenly bounce.
This is a trick that is actually based on psychology. Psychologists have regularly shown that people freak out and try to get something back if it's always been there, but suddenly disappears. If you've been waiting on him for a while and he's been taking his sweet time making up his mind, the easiest way to give him an incentive to choose is to stop being so easily accessible to him.
Literally, this means that you slowly ghost out of his life. Assuming that you were always at his beck and call, this often will cause a guy to freak out and try to lock you down into a commitment. The key thing here is to do this as calmly as possible, and to make it look like it's literally nothing to you.
3: Look him in the eye for a longer period of time.
A way to actually get a guy to fall deeper in love with you is actually quite easy: make and keep eye contact for five seconds. Doing this regularly tends to make us feel more at ease with the person with us, and also tends to make us think there's a deeper connection than there really is.
4: Make her lose interest.
This one is very sneaky and may also have to be done on the sly. If she meets someone else she's more interested in, she'll likely stop pursuing him. Then, you basically have a clear path to him. The only problem is that he might find out and resent you for it.
5: If he doesn't seem to make up his mind, ask him upfront.
If you've been talking to a guy for a couple of months, you are going to need to draw a line in the sand. If he hasn't broached the subject of exclusivity, you might need to ask him directly what he wants. At times, being the one who actually asks or says their expectations is what needs to be done to get what you want.
Here's the thing that we tend to forget way too frequently when there's a guy we set our sights on: if he doesn't see your value, it's better to find someone who does.
If he doesn't react when you say you need to have a commitment or if he keeps stalling, he's not going to be serious about you. Unless you want to drag him through every commitment hoop kicking and screaming, it's best to just drop him for someone who will be better for you.