Usually, I’d say couples fight over petty things that could only matter when you love someone so much it makes your heart want to explode.
We yell at them when they order pizza for dinner when you specifically told them you wanted Chinese.
While all the above examples could lead to bigger issues that need to be discussed — like insecurity about the relationship, not considering the other person’s feelings, not feeling heard and so on — most of the time it’s just really petty BS that only seems important in that very moment.
In a few hours (or days) you'll look back on the argument like: “Wow I’m so crazy how do you still love me?”
Personally, I think one of the biggest issues with these petty arguments is that the root of the issue often goes unspoken. We use little things to hide the really big thing that’s actually bothering us, but for whatever reason we don’t want to bring up.
And we’re more likely to be honest when we’re feeling comfortable and happy rather than being yelled at because we forgot to pick up a specific kind of beer at the store.
So how do you get comfortable and happy enough to really talk about your feelings?
In my own relationships I found that I’m much more likely to say why I’m actually upset during the after-sex cuddling session. I think it’s a combination of the high and feeling really close, connected and naked to the other person that does the trick.
So yes, you could argue all day about spilt milk when all you really want to talk about is how you feel less important since he got his new job OR you can just have sex, remember how much in love you really are and then open up about how you really feel.
I think being naked is a little more fun.