10 Ways Polyamorous People Love VERY Differently

Photo: weheartit
10 Ways Polyamorous People Love Differently
Love, Sex

We see that love is so much more than just one person.

What makes your blood boil, your heart race, nerves become on edge and tensions high? Is it the way you gaze at the woman across the room, whose red lips are among the most extravagant and whose dress is hugging her body in the most delectable ways, or is it having that enthralling conversation with an intelligent male over a cup of coffee?

What if you could have the thrill, the once in a moment time, while also still have the foundation and commitment of a steady constant in your life?

A growing trend of the younger generation is not limiting themselves to one single person in the form of love or sex, but enabling themselves to go out into the world and explore other sexual, physical, and intellectual needs without having their partner(s) think they are cheating.

This growing trend is based upon the idea of polyamory — or poly, as multiple people like to say. We love differently, poly people do. In some ways, it's the same as monogamous relationships, but in others, such as these listed below, it is different:

1. We have different set-ups.


In monogamous relationships, it's between two individuals. In a poly relationship, it can be open, where all parties have the ability to go out and explore the others, or closed, in which the poly relationship is just between individuals involved, which are then more than two. It can be a triad of three lovers or the formation of millions of friends.

2. We have different rules.

One poly relationship I was involved in was "don't ask, don't tell," which basically stated that we were allowed to go out and sleep with other people, have intimate conversations with others, but we didn't ask. We would tell the other person where we were headed, when we would be back approximately, but other than that the details were not shared.

Another poly relationship may be that every detail is shared. Some may say that one is allowed to do anything that isn't having genital contact between two people. It all varies between what the parties are comfortable with.

Monogamous couples usually have the rule of "don't cheat," which can be anything that involves an intimate closeness outside of the duo.

3. We deal with jealousy differently.


We are still human, and humans get jealous. In poly, knowing yourself first and foremost allows you to deal with jealousy easier. To understand that your partner is going out with this person for the third time this week doesn't mean that they aren't interested in you.

You have to be able to handle the jealousy that will come along, know that you're both getting your satisfaction with yourself and with your partner, or else it will eat you alive.

4. We see needs we cannot meet.

One of my relationships was a fulfilling romantic, every day love relationship. My partner wanted variety to keep our sex life more powerful. I wanted to be able to try bondage and being submissive with someone who wasn't my partner.

Knowing that we couldn't meet these needs with each other, although we were willing to try, allowed us to be more open to poly and letting each of us explore our needs. In doing such, it brought us closer to each other than we thought.

Monogamy requires sacrificing needs that cannot be met within the duo in order to maintain the integrity of the duo.

5. We understand that relationships all serve a different purpose.


Some relationships may be physical, some more intimate, some may just stay as friends that we share a deep connection with. Being poly doesn't mean having sex with every person that walks. Being poly means loving each relationship that we come across and knowing that each love doesn't diminish another.

6. We respect our primary relationship.

A primary in poly relationships is the one(s) that you're in a relationship with 24/7. It may be the one you want to marry or the girlfriend for the time. Whatever the role is, we respect what they say. We only see people outside the primary within the guidelines that we have set up in our dynamic.

We don't agree to go out with another if we have a date already set up with our primary. If an emergency occurs with our primary, we don't ignore it. We respect them, because that's what brought us this far in our relationship in poly.

We know they will be there to burden every break-up, to hear every failed attempt, and every attempt tha's going good. They have to back off when we go out to have a date with someone else and still know they are worth while. We must respect them, because if we didn't then it would be cheating.

7. We value communication.


In monogamous relationships, communication is key. However, in poly relationships, communication is a must. We have to bare ourselves, make sure every party involved knows there are other partners. There might be the question of whether there's a main partner, or if the person is single and just dating every partner they have. Communicating is the lifeline in a poly relationship.

8. We value ourselves.

Before getting into a single poly relationship, one has to know what they will accept in themselves in any relationship. Are you willing to allow your partner to go out with another for the fourth time and know that they still love you?

Loving yourself first and foremost makes poly relationships easier. We may find multiple people we love, but loving ourselves first means that, even through every break-up, we know we will be fine.

9. We are open-minded.


In society we are constrained to a set rigid upbringing, and it affects our every day life. Being open-minded allows for a lot more possibilities to enter your life.

We embrace the differences that are in our life, keeping an open mind that one chance meeting might blossom into something deeper and more meaningful that doesn't have to be sexual. We are accepting of the differences that life throws at us.

10. We believe in infinite, boundless love.

Loving our partner will be forever. Loving the girl we had a two week fling with is going to be forever. Our friend that we have deep intellectual conversations with, we will love forever. We still have more love to give out and the opportunities are endless.

Love is love, no matter the way it is shaped. From being poly to having one, single monogamous love; from the friends that walk beside you to the people that make up your family. Love is love.

Polyamory is the ability to go further then just a friend, further than just one relationship that may or may not be intimate. It's opening yourself to the possibility that love is just that: love.



Explore YourTango