The nose really does know after all.
For years I've hated it when men look at my nose.
What's so fascinating about my least favorite feature?
I've looked at girls with cute, pert, sexy button noses and wished that great tragedy might befall them.
I had this awful, wide nose with flared nostrils and it turned me into a less likeable version of Amy March from Little Women.
I never tried putting a clothespin on it to make it narrow, but I have refused to use Breathe Right strips believing they will only make my cavernous proboscis even bigger.
When I first started writing for the internet, the trolls who attacked me almost always mentioned my nose. "You got a rhino nose" and "Why you always flare your giant nostrils that way?"
In a way, their cruel criticism was better than any plastic surgery. It got so I would just roll my eyes and say, "Jesus Christ, my face just LOOKS like this, OK?"
I got confident, and confidence is the sexiest thing on earth.
But it turns out there is science as to why we are fascinated with our own noses and the noses of others.
A recent study found that the nose can indicate your fitness as a potential mate:
“The human nose is… extraordinarily large, fragile, and easily broken… May it have evolved as an amplifier among high quality individuals, allowing easy assessment of individual quality and influencing the perception of attractiveness? Our results show that… facial attractiveness increased when the nose tip was artificially centered according to other facial features.”
The study showed that men are drawn to women with noses that are perfectly centered. Men are biologically wired to see these women as better potential mates.
So that urge you've got to go under the knife for that perfectly centered nose? Yeah, it may actually be biologically driven.
That's not the only thing your nose can reveal.
When older people report a loss of their sense of smell, doctors now know to look for memory disorders, like Alzheimer's. Also they've found that cells taken from inside the nose can identify a gene expression used to diagnosis schizophrenia.
It doesn't stop there. Another study linked our nose mucus to BMI and attractiveness. They found that heavy men had thick yellow mucus and thinner more attractive men had a thinner, clearer discharge.
So the next time you're on a date with someone sexy, make sure to ask to see his nasal discharge, I guess?
The nose, it turns out, does in fact know after all.