Here's the checklist you need to make sure you've done all you can.
Lately (or maybe even for a long time) you've been wondering if divorce is the best option for you.
Sometimes the decision to divorce feels fairly obvious if you realize you got married for all the wrong reasons. Perhaps you never really loved your partner but felt they would provide well for you. Or, perhaps you married because of an unplanned pregnancy. Or, maybe it was even a drunken whim (oops!). Perhaps there is abuse in your relationship and divorce feels like the only real option left.
As hard as those situations are, the decision whether to divorce becomes fraught with even more anxiety and confusion when you really DID marry for love. You had beautiful plans to spend the rest of your life with this person. Maybe you have children together. Things seemed happy. You felt totally compatible, at least for a time.
But now, communication has shut down. Your needs aren’t being met emotionally, physically or financially. The spark is gone. Your existence together is boring and stale, or worse — numb. Everything you do together feels robotic and predictable (even your arguments follow the same patterns and it feels like nothing is ever resolved). Love is gone and all that remains is resentment.
Divorce isn’t a word you ever wanted in your vocabulary, but now here you are — your relationship has irreparably changed.
Maybe you have doubts and really would prefer to stay married but you just feel so confused. Maybe you have unrealistic expectations for your relationship. Maybe the two of you just need to develop new and better skills for managing your marriage.
Maybe divorce is not the best option. Yet, you’ve done all you think you can do.
You’ve read the self help books, gone to therapy, tried communicating in different ways, repeatedly expressed your dissatisfaction as kindly as possible and suggested couples counseling. Your spouse, on the other hand, refuses to accept any responsibility and has no interest in participating in any effort that might revitalize your relationship.
Is divorce your only option? How can you know the right choice to make ... with certainty?
We took this topic to our YourTango Experts: Author and Dating Coach Charles J. Orlando, Therapist Anabelle Abugatti, Life Coach Patty Blue Hayes, Marriage and Family Therapist Foojan Zeine, and Attorney Karen Covy. Watch their conversation in the video above to hear the their advice for how to effectively make this life-changing decision with peace in your heart.
Their ideas may just help you make the right choice for you. Or, at the very least, give you some powerful food for thought.