The Psychological Mindf*ck Of Depression Defines Us — And That’s OK

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what depression shame feels like
Heartbreak, Self

It’s everything and nothing like you’d think … all at once.

Let me tell you about depression.

It’s not all-encompassing. But it is. It doesn’t define us. But it changes our definition of self.

There’s no shame in depression. It’s true and we believe it when we reach out to our loved ones & friends who are fighting their own battles.

But there is shame when we are the ones wondering why the sun isn’t as bright anymore. Why it takes so much energy to get out of bed.

We know logically that we shouldn’t feel like this. But we do. And I think we need to talk about that more.

Because what we know to be true when we are not depressed isn’t the same truth we know when we are. We need to acknowledge that.

Depression can laugh. Depression can be funny. Depression still wears badass red lipstick & tells her friends they are powerful & worth it.

Depression also wants to sleep too much or not enough and too often convinces herself that the important stuff can wait for tomorrow.

Because it has to.

Depression is not hopeless. In fact, it’s the opposite.

Depression is holding your breath while swimming to the surface, waiting to break through.

Depression isn’t always crying. She isn’t devoid of happiness. It’s not all in her head. But it is. Just not the way they think.

Depression is vivacious & sassy & loving & kind. She’s a mother, sister, daughter, wife, & friend.

She’s the life of the party. She’s the clouds blocking out the sun. She’s aware she’s both her own hero & her own worst enemy.

And good fucking Lord, she’s tired of fighting herself.

She’s smart enough to know, though, that she must be patient. You can’t squeeze blood from a rock, you know. So she waits…

She reminds herself that she is everything she believes of those she raises up when they are down.

And she keeps reaching. Up. Looking. Up. She can see the fucking surface, dammit. She just has to push herself up to break through.

Before she can breathe.

If you’re suffering, talk to someone. There’s a good chance people will understand. If they don’t, find someone else who does.

You’re worth it. You’re amazing.

Don’t stop reaching for the surface.


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