Let's just put this to rest, k?
Movie after television sitcom after insert another media outlet portrays mothers as cold fish: "I have a headache and don't want sex tonight," ad nausem. Somehow, mothers (women) are always too tired, have a headache, shut their partners out, or just don't want sex.
All of this is bollocks.
This isn't to say that a mom won't "shut down" a partner for a variety of reasons, especially in the few months or first year of an infant's life, but that the cold frigid wife stereotype needs to go for a variety of reasons.
1. We Aren't Here to Be On-Demand Sex Toys
Portraying women as unavailable and frigid sexual partners sort of assumes that we are supposed to be available for sex any time our partners want it. Sorry, but that's not the case. Sometimes, a partner doesn't deserve a round of "bedroom hockey."
2. It's Not True
There are plenty of lustful and "active" women. In fact, there are quite a few women who complain about their counterparts being "too tired" for sex or emotionally absent from intimacy. As a mom who experienced a partner who never wanted to have sex, it felt weird to be against the norm and sort of shameful.
The fact is men and women will both retreat from having sex for a multitude of reasons whether it is emotional, physical, or other stress factors.
3. Sometimes, Darnit, a Woman Has a Real Headache
If you've ever had a go-round in the female body, you would know it's a hot bed of hormones and cyclical symptoms. Sometimes, darnit, we just have a headache.
4. Sex Is Our Friend
We know that sex makes us feel good, but sometimes when you ask in a beat-up old t-shirt and right after our toddler's meltdown, we wish you would have a different approach. It can't always be fireworks, roses, romance, or silk sheets, but now and then, impress us and we promise to pop out of our "mommy roles."
5. We Are the Dominant Ones
Sometimes, we mothers and women are the dominant bedroom partners, so when you go around and talk about us as these mousy little wall flowers, it gets us just a tiny bit angry. You wouldn't want to get us angry now, would you? We might end up with a headache. And you too. Wink
6. We Want More Sex After Target
A trip to Target in which no one looks disapprovingly at the bill: "I'm sorry but those random knickknacks were truly so cute," is another great way to make the mother of your children and partner incredibly turned on. Target is a beautiful place. Truly.
7. Too Much Stress on the Man
Circulating the cold-wife stereotype puts a lot of stress on the other partner to try to "usurp" and convince this cold fish to succumb to the bedroom. That's a lot of pressure. And let's be honest: we women are better at the seduction act. We've been perfecting it since Eve's days. Just saying.
Women and mothers vary in their sex drive, needs, and behaviors. Please don't categorize us in some bunch. Please don't judge us if we'd rather a bubble bath. And if we have a headache, perhaps you might want to offer a massage. I heard it might make your partner a tad bit excited and very, very grateful. Add a judgment-free trip to Target and bam — you're both in love.
This article was originally published at PopSugar Moms. Reprinted with permission from the author.