Because let's be honest: There's no such thing as perfection.
Like relationships, most porridge is disgusting but we can rest easy knowing that there's one out there which is probably just right. How do you know a person is just right for you? Is it a feeling? If yes, you better pray that your picker has been calibrated correctly.
If, like the rest of us, you're just catching as catch can when it comes to "the one," you may need something more substantial, more put-on-paper-able than vibing at the right frequency.
But what are those things? While we've somehow decided that the saccharine nature of "you complete me" means we need to be wholly autonomous critters, most of us generally agree that some complementary and supplementary traits in a life-partner are desirable. But which of those "just rights" are juuuust right for you?
Good question, friend. Here are 20 signs that your boyfriend is just right for you.
1. He sleeps like a champion.
Great. He'll be more energetic to do stuff YOU love and less irritable, but you'll need to make sure your smoke alarms are in good working order.
2. He's not allergic to peanuts.
I know, it's low bar but anaphylaxis is a noted massive vaginal desiccant.
3. He's had a kidney stone.
You don't want him to have suffered, but knowing that he's gone through the thing that's closest to plopping out a baby is reassuring.
4. He's a Groupon hawk.
Financial sensibility is important, but so is not being such a tightwad that the Joad family tells you to loosen up.
5. He watches The Bachelor just "so he can make fun of it."
Sure you do, guy. Sure you do.
6. He feels slightly bad about squashing a roach.
Your home is your sovereign castle and it will be protected like an Under Armour commercial, but he doesn't have to spike the football. I don't think I have to further explain any of the metaphors there.
7. He cries half as often as you do.
8. He positively comments on your home girl Gayle's hairdo...
Even if it's definitively a hair do not.
9. Has once dove for (or from) a garter at a wedding.
Either way, having that kind of conviction is amazing.
10. He smells terrible after working out.
You'd think you want the opposite, but getting rid of that stank likely will make him more sympathetic to whatever beauty routine you go through. Plus, he won't try to get some downstairs attention without a good rinse-off.
11. He's been to Bonnaroo exactly once.
Sure it's gross, but it probably means he can put up with you eating toast in bed or clipping your nails on the couch but would prefer indoor showers and things that smell traditionally good.
12. He ran exactly one half-marathon (or triathlon).
He can self-motivate to accomplish any medium-intensity goal but isn't about that life.
13. He likes sex slightly more than you.
14. He doesn't really get hungover.
Annoying? Yeah. But is it less annoying than having someone who's in equally bad or worse shape than you after a night of beer pong using red wine when you desperately need a bacon, egg and cheese and a cocktail of Pedialyte, red Gatorade, and a thimble full of vodka?
15. He wears glasses.
There's nothing as disgustingly arrogant as a man who has great vision or a man so vain he wears (probably colored) contacts.
16. He can make a make a piecrust from scratch.
Bill Burr can do it and he seems like a pretty good boyfriend.
17. His penis is girth-appropriate for you.
18. He's not substantially taller or shorter than you.
Yeah it's 2016 and we're not supposed to care about this sh*t, but if he's six inches shorter than you without heels, eventually y'all are going to be an Instagram meme.
19. He thinks emojis are dumb and still calls them emoticons.
20. His parents think you're awesome.
Great news! That almost guarantees that he does, too.