This Is How To Make Breakfast With Your Vagina. (Really.)

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How To Make Breakfast With Your Vagina
Sex, Self

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, after all.

OK, it's about to get gross in here. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I've never been interested in eating anything that came from my own body. I didn't pick my scabs and then eat them, nor have I ever any desire to eat the placenta of a child I gave birth to.

Eating your placenta or afterbirth is called placentophagy. Placentophagy is supposed to be very good for you because it's packed with vitamins, minerals, and hormones that can help with postpartum depression, but it's not a choice that I'll ever be faced with. Fortunately, I'm also not a male and don't have to be tempted to ingest my own semen, mixed together with heavy cream in lovely tiramisu. 

So, you can imagine that the thought of using vaginal sections to make yogurt wasn't a tempting concept for me.

In an article on Vice, writer, editor, and photographer Janet Jay talked about these times when her friend, MD/PhD student Cecilia Westbrook, made yogurt using bacteria from her vagina.

Since the most common bacteria found in a healthy vagina is lactobacillus — the same bacteria found in yogurt — wouldn't yogurt made from a woman's own personalized probiotics be amazingly good for her? Surprisingly, there's not a lot of information for making vagina-yogurt. Homemade yogurt is usually made by mixing a small amount of yogurt starter culture with milk and heating it.

But for her own experiment, Westbrook used three bowls: One with yogurt made with a traditional starter (the controlled bowl), one with plain milk, and one with milk and Westbrook's own vaginal contribution (that she had extracted using a wooden spoon). Westbrook left the bowls/batches out overnight and awoke to find a serving-size of yogurt in the third bowl, which she ate with blueberries, comparing it to Indian yogurt.

It turns out that you can make yogurt using vaginal bacteria, but it's not a good idea.

According to Larry Forney, a microbiologist at the University of Idaho, making yogurt from your own vaginal emissions could really cause you some harm.

"When you take vaginal secretions, you're not just taking the lactobacilli. You're taking everything. I like what she [Westbrook] is doing in principal, but it's risky because she doesn't know what else she's doing and she could end up with a bad batch," Forney said.

Even healthy vaginas have a whole bunch of other organisms that could be harmful for your health if ingested. No one wants to eat a yeast infection along with their breakfast yogurt.


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