You'll be well on your way to being THAT couple that always sits on the same side of the booth.
By Jordan Gray
Sometimes you see couples that seem to click in a certain way. You never see them get frustrated with one another. They’re always kissing and touching in public. They constantly look like they’re having the most fun possible. I know… they’re the worst.
But the truth is, a lot of work goes on behind the scenes to get them to being in that kind of place every day. They aren’t going home, sitting in the dark and expressing their feelings to one another all night long. It’s actually a lot simpler than that.
When it comes to our intimate relationships, it’s the little things that make or break you.
On the negative side of things, the little things that bother you about your partner can pile up and eventually dissolve the relationship. He always forgets his keys at work. She leaves her dishes in the sink. But, if you are doing all the little things to positively influence your relationship, it can essentially wipe away all the negative things.
You too can be that disgusting couple in the back booth, at the restaurant, who doesn’t seem to realize there are other people in the universe.
1. Touch Each Other
I cannot express the importance of this enough. I don’t believe in people who say they don’t like public displays of affection. To me it sounds like they’re just worried about people judging them. Because really… what else would it be?
If you don’t love your partner enough to kiss, hug, grab, butt slap them in public, it means you’re prioritizing the public. And you don’t even know them.
Everyone needs touch. It’s a strange thing. But we do. Animals who receive less physical affection tend to be underdeveloped and overall less happy than those who receive regular touch in their developmental years. Even those who suffer from autism and other disorders that make human touch less desirable to them can still be calmed with use of a device called a ‘hugging machine’. Which is literally exactly what it sounds like.
Bottom line, the more you and your partner engage in physical touch, the more happy loving chemicals will be released in your bodies, and you’ll like each other. It’s like your tricking them into loving you, but with hugs! So get over that little trigger that says ‘People are watching, I can’t kiss you,’ because you know what those people are thinking about? Themselves. Always. I promise… you’re not that important.
You know the number one thing that leads to happy productive employees? Positive feedback. But not just any positive feedback. Frequent positive feedback.
Psychologist Ron Friedman discusses in his book The Best Place To Work, “Business feedback indicates that smaller frequent positive feedback and rewards will keep people happy longer than a single large infrequent happy event.”
This isn’t just true for business, it’s true for humans. We’re more likely to stay happy if we know that we’re on the right path and that we’re being appreciated.
Showing daily gratitude to your partner is essential for a thriving relationship. You should never assume your partner ‘just knows’ how you feel about them. And even if they do, it’s something they’ll never get sick of hearing. Well…unless you’re just repeating ‘I love you‘ for hours at a time. That may be overkill.
3. Unbreakable Dates
Whatever you spend the most time on is going to flourish. That’s a fact. That even goes for the things you don’t particularly enjoy.
If you spend the majority of your time working hard at a job you hate, you are unwittingly locking yourself into that position. How many times have you heard of people who have been working long hours and want to quit their jobs, but just before they could, they were offered a shiny new position and pay raise? It happens all the time. All of their hard work paid off… they just didn’t really want it to pay off.
So, shouldn’t your relationship be high on your priority list?
In this crazy modern day world, we get busy. We’re constantly plugged into work and social stimulation. Things come up. Things get rescheduled. And that’s life. But, you and your partner should put one day a week aside that is just for you. Everything else is rescheduled around that day. Meetings are pushed, friends are brushed off. It’s date night, damn it!
This simple act alone shows your partner that you’re making them a priority. It tells them that your relationship is important and that you are fully aware that it takes time and energy to keep it functioning. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. As long as it’s just the two of you, unplugged from the outside world and fully committed to connecting with one another.
4. Check Ins
The best way to get any information is to ask someone what you want to know. In the case of your relationship, the best way to know if things are going well is to ask your partner.
The most important part of this process is fully prepare yourself for the possibility that they may have some criticisms. You have to be able to listen openly to any negative feedback without lashing out or putting the blame on them. You should be able to talk openly and honestly.
I’m not saying that’s easy. Your relationship is a sensitive area. They’re the person who is suppose to love and accept you the most, so it can be difficult to hear negative feedback from someone whose opinion you hold in (hopefully) a high regard. As long as you both agree to come from a place of love. You both want to build the best partnership possible and part of building something is knowing where your weaknesses lie and addressing them head on.
That super love-y couple… they work their asses off. Either that or it’s a show they put on in public, and in reality they hate each other’s guts… which, I imagine, is also hard work, but I don’t recommend it.
These are all super easy steps that you can implement today to make your love a little brighter. Text them right now and schedule a date, or lean over and bite their thigh or just look up and ask them how you’re doing as a partner. All it takes is one first move.