At 28, I had grown tired of the dating scene. If one more hombre picked me up at a bar just so he could get me into bed, I was going to scream! So I closed my legs to all men, and promised myself that my next partner would be my “boyfriend.”
The boyfriend did come along; yet, I abstained from sex for three months. My friends couldn’t believe it. “You haven’t had sex in a year, and you’re not jumping his bones,” one amiga said incredulously. “That’s right,” I responded. And I had my reasons.
Why would anyone pass up sex with their hot guy? Here are seven reasons abstaining from sex could be good for your relationship:
1. You really get to know the guy:
You meet a guy, begin to date and decide to be exclusive. Why not sleep with him? Because you should continue to get to know him.
The early stage in a relationship is the perfect time to build a foundation. Sex can throw a wrench in this process! It complicates things; it clouds your judgment. In the beginning of a relationship, amazing sex could trump amazing conversation. Don't forget that your man has flaws, quirks, and, yes, even a mind!
2. You get that sexual build-up:
Do you know what happens when you abstain from sex? You get really horny. When you finally decide to sleep with your man — ay, Dios mio! ¡Qué emoción! The sexual build-up will have you hot and bothered with just one touch. Your first time with your new guy will be ultra-orgasmic, since you’ve had the time to share your sexual likes and dislikes.
3. You know the guy is serious:
Let’s keep it real: some guys will chase a woman just to get into her pants. A man who really likes you for you — not for your vagina! — will wait with you. When a man respects your choice to abstain from sex, that’s a clear sign he respects you.
4. You're mourning the loss of a relationship:
You went through a bad breakup, and you are still mourning the loss of that love. Heal your heart. Unpack your baggage. Then get freaky.
5. Traumatic sexual past:
If you’ve experienced any sexual trauma, you shouldn’t sleep with a man right away. You have to become comfortable with him first, and that takes time. You have to trust your new man. That also takes time.
6. Not dating anyone seriously:
You and your guy may not be exclusive, or you may be dating multiple men. That’s a great reason not to have sex. You don’t want to have multiple partners, and shout out the wrong name on accident! Oops.
7. You’re not ready:
You may not be ready to sleep with your guy. It might be as simple as that. Maybe you want to wait until marriage. Maybe you've been burned before. Perhaps you just want to build your connection.
The choice of when to have sex is ultimately yours. Don’t let any man tell you otherwise. Don’t let anyone pressure you into being intimate if you are not ready!
This article was originally published at Latina. Reprinted with permission from the author.