Speak up, missy!
By Ashley Paige
Doing the deed can be awkward — it's a fact of life. Hook-ups can go awry; sex with a long-time partner may fizzle out like a Coke that's been left open for too long. You may be with the wrong person, or you may have a little case of the Silent Sally when it comes to hitting the hay.
You know that communication is important in any given relationship, because nobody (I repeat: nobody) is able to read minds. The same applies to your sex life!
Here are eight signs you're not speaking up enough in bed — and how to fix it, so you get the most pleasure ever.
1. You're not getting what you want.
Maybe you really, really want your partner to touch or kiss you more before jumping right into it, or maybe you'd like him or her to try something else during foreplay. Don't be afraid to say it! Lay out exactly how you want it. Chances are your SO will think it's totally hot (and if not, then you probably need a new partner).
2. Your partner's giving you something you DON'T want.
You don't feel comfortable when he or she does that certain thing. Say something ASAP! We truly can't stress this enough: if you don't like what your partner's doing, you need to have an immediate heart-to-heart, because it's never OK to engage in something you're uncomfortable with — especially when it comes to sex.
3. You feel frustrated after sex.
Getting down and dirty leaves you feeling overwhelmingly frustrated instead of on top of the world. Chances are you'd like to switch up the routine, and you're simply not sharing your thoughts. Push aside that little voice telling you that your desires are embarrassing, because they are so not.
4. Your partner feels frustrated after sex.
If it's painstakingly obvious your partner is equally unhappy after sex, he or she might realize you're not getting your fill. On the contrary, there might be a quirky fantasy your partner's bottling up. Get the conversation going! The more you communicate, the closer you both are to experiencing the ultimate orgasm.
5. You're faking orgasms.
And speaking of orgasms — if you're faking it, you totally need to speak up about what you're not getting. Also, protip: don't ever fake it! Pretending you just had the best climax of your life may rub his or her ego the right way, but it only drives you further from achieving the big O.
6. You fantasize about a completely different scenario while it's happening.
You secretly wish to role-play with your partner, but you stick to merely imagining it during sex because it's probably weird, right? Wrong! Send a steamy text to your SO describing what, exactly, you want to go down, because a) it's a little easier than face-to-face and b) it's an awesome mid-day perk-up. Begin with, "You know, I'd really like if we did something a bit out of our element..."
7. The sex is altogether lackluster.
Getting intimate is pretty boring for you, and, quite frankly, you just try to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible so you can get back to Wet Hot American Summer. Ask yourself if there's really no chemistry, or if you're just not effectively conveying all your sexy wants and needs.
8. You question the relationship.
You're THIS CLOSE to breaking it off because of all the unsatisfying sex. But if your relationship is solid gold in other areas, why end it before working to fix it?
True, there may be someone better-suited for you out there. On the other hand, some people just aren't very educated in the sex department and need a little direction. "I really like when you do it this way," and then literally guiding his or her hand/finger/other body part is a great start. In no time at all, you'll be well on your way to insane, mind-blowing, amazing sex.
Bottom line: don't be afraid!
This article was originally published at Popsugar Love. Reprinted with permission from the author.