Moms: Please STFU About Your Son's Foreskin — Nobody Actually Cares

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STFU About Your Son's Foreskin
Sex, Family

Your kid's junk is none of my business.

What's the deal with all the moms on the internet talking about circumcision? The popular opinion seems to be against it. Most of the articles I've seen about circumcision are written from the "X reasons you shouldn't," or "X reasons I didn't" perspective.

Most of these articles are authored by moms who are defending their choice to leave their sons intact or moms perched on their virtual soapbox telling the world why no one should condone this sort of barbarianism, ever.

There are also the foolishly brave moms out there who speak up and defend their choice to circumcise their baby boysThey're usually attacked with flaming pitchforks and rotten vegetables by an angry mob of sancti-mommies who accuse them of cruelty and mutilation, wagging their fingers and predicting that these tiny, innocent children will end up in therapy because their evil parents signed the paper to allow some quack of a doctor to modify their little infant penises.

Or something like that.

Here's how I see things: who effing cares?

Seriously? I have two little boys and no, I'm not going to tell you which side of the circumcision battle line I stand on because it doesn't matter. That  and it's none of anyone's beeswax.

I talk to people all day long. Talk, talk, talk. Friends, coworkers, neighbors; Parents of kids my boys go to school with or play sports with; People in line at the grocery store I get sucked into conversation with because my 5-year-old is one of those extroverted "I wanna talk to every-fricken-body" kind of kids.

I talk about my kids all the time. I'm a mom. Most people who know me probably think I have no other interests and they're mostly right. Motherhood sucks up all my time, my thoughts, and my energy.

Virtually everything I do is inspired by or motivated by the fact that I have small humans living in my house that whine for snacks and expect me to wipe their butts.

When it comes to my kids, I overshare constantly. I talk about the funny things they say and do, like calling Star Wars "tar whores," which I refuse to correct. Or the time I woke up to find one of my kids digging in my belly button looking for treasure (he was disappointed).

If you'll stand still and listen, I'll speak freely about poop and snot. The crazy places I've found dried boogers or dirty underpants in my house? Not off limits for polite conversation.

But I don't recall one single time anyone has asked me about my sons' junk. I don't remember any time where I was interested in discussing my son's foreskins (or lack thereof) with ... well, anyone.

I don't recall ever sitting on a park bench, sipping my latte, chatting with the other mommies while we all ignore the fact that our kids are throwing sand at each other, and casually asked anything close to: "Hey, Christina. Did you have little so-and-so's foreskin surgically removed or are his genitals intact?"

Uh ... no.  The only conversations I've had about my sons' penises (or is it peni?) have been with my husband and our pediatrician. And of course, them, in the "for crying out loud, please stop pulling on that thing, honey" kind of way.

If you consult Dr. Google, you'll find compelling reasons to circumcise and not circumcise. It depends on who you ask, although admittedly, the current trend seems to point to it becoming less common, for various reasons I won't go into. Find some rabid "circumcision is the devil" mom and ask her.

If you don't believe in circumcision, don't get your kid circumcised. If you do, then do.

Get on the same page with your husband or partner. Aside from that, I'm not sure I see the reason to defend either perspective to anyone.

We're so quick to tell people how to live and we often feel compelled to explain our parenting decisions so that others will validate them. Why? Who cares?

Bottlefeed your kid and he won't get the necessary antibodies to make him smart enough to get into an Ivy League school. Breast is best, you know. If you use a stroller instead of a sling, you and your child will not have the right kind of parent-child bond and he'll end up being that kid who eats the glue in second grade.

Don't spank, don't co-sleep, don't use timeouts, and for the love of all that's holy, don't trick your kids into believing a mythical fairy that gives them money for losing their teeth.

I guess it would probably be asking too much to leave foreskin removal out of the mommy wars.

Come on, moms. There are lots of things we can have a complain-o-rama about: how tired we are, our love-hate relationship with Pinterest, the latest stupid thing Gwyneth Paltrow said, or how no one else in our house has the skills to put a new toilet paper on the roll.

Let's try to mind our business about our kid's business, shall we? Who has a foreskin versus who doesn't? Ain't nobody got time for that.



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