5 Signs She Does NOT Want To Be Approached —​ So Step Off

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You're flirting with danger, fellas.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen or heard about women who are completely annoyed by men who approach them in public when they were giving "clear signs" to be left alone.

Let me start by saying that as a man, I understand the frustration of getting an attitude from a woman who doesn't know anything about you when you're just trying to be nice to her or say hello. 

Unfortunately, many women are on the defensive these days when a random guy approaches them because frankly, a few idiots have ruined it for the genuinely good guys.

But that being said, there's also a time and place for everything, and if you want to start a conversation with a woman, the first thing you've got to do is make sure she's open to it (or not). If you don't pay attention to her non-verbal cues that she's doing her own thing and doesn't want to be talked to, you'll immediately be on her nerves before you even say hello.

Here are a few things that signal you should just keep it moving, at least until the circumstances have changed:

1. She's got both headphones in.

Whether she's at the gym focused on her workout or just walking down the street, she probably doesn't want to be bothered. It may or may not be personal, but both headphones in is the universal sign for "whatever I'm doing, I'm focused on it — leave me alone."

If you can't pick up on that, why would she think you could pick up on any of her other wants and needs?

2. Her baseball cap is pulled down over her face.

If she's standing in line for coffee looking down at her phone with her hat pulled over her eyes, she's hiding. If she's waiting for coffee, that means she hasn't had it yet, and we all know how days begin before you've had your coffee.

She probably isn't wearing makeup and isn't feeling her best, so she doesn't want to talk to you, man.

If you can't help yourself, make your move by buying her coffee for her and let her start up the conversation if she wants. If she doesn't, take your extra bonus points and wait for her to recognize you next time.

3. Her body language is closed off.

This is perhaps one of the most obvious but also overlooked signals of availability, or unavailability. Crossed arms, body turned away from you, avoiding eye contact, or other "barriers" should all be clear signs to save the pursuit for another day.

Some "dating coaches" will try to sell you ways to overcome her attitude, but if you make her uncomfortable in the process, you've already lost.

4. She's avoiding eye contact with you.

Or, with anyone. Making (and holding) eye contact would be on the list of signs you should approach a woman, so common sense tells us that avoiding contact with people means she doesn't want to be talked to.

She's not being coy or cute or feigning shyness just so you'll go chat it up to her; she's literally trying to avoid you, and pushing it any further will make her uncomfortable.

For example, whether or not she's reading a book won't tell you if she wants to be approached or not. What will tell you is her willingness to look up, look around, and smile at passers-by. If she's buried in the pages and is clearly focused, leave her be.

5. She's working on her laptop.

Whether you're in a bookstore, coffee shop, or cafe, it's easy to spot quite a few people working on their laptops, particularly in the millennial age of "work from anywhere you want." But that means she's doing exactly that: working.

She might be doing homework or writing her manuscript or preparing for a big presentation she has in 45 minutes. One thing's for sure: she hasn't hauled her workspace to the local Starbucks in hopes that someone will come charm her out of her pantsuit.

Point number one will also likely apply here.

The real takeaway here is the simple but overlooked idea of just being considerate of other people's personal spaces.

Comfort and safety are of paramount importance to a woman, and once she feels as though either of these things are threatened, you'll never be able to recover them.

There are plenty of opportunities to meet or be introduced to new women, but as I mentioned earlier, there's a time and a place for everything.


James Michael Sama is an award-winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.

This article was originally published at jamesmsama.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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