2 Expert Ways To Move On With Your Life After A Harrowing Divorce

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You don't always have to forgive after a nasty divorce.

While forgiveness is a great way to overcome the grief and heartache of divorce, many exes find it difficult to forgive their spouses. The pain of a broken heart plus the disappointment of a failed marriage can leave you with an incessant grudge. 

Mentally, it takes a lot more than you would think for people to forgive and move on after divorce. Dr. Ellen Weber from Brain Leaders And Learners explains, "From a brain's perspective, forgiveness takes far more than merely letting go. It takes deliberate decisions to move beyond another person's judgment of you. Replace a sad or disappointing encounter with memories of events that stoke healing, for instance, and your brain shifts focus." But this is incredibly difficult to achieve and it isn't easy to make yourself emotionally unavailable if you can't allow yourself to let go of the pain first.

According to host and Senior VP of YourTango Experts Melanie Gormaninfidelity recovery coach Dr. Jim Walkup, psychologist Dr. Stan Tatkin, couples therapist Dr. Colene Sawyer Schlaepfer and relational recovery therapist Argie Spuck, you don't necessarily need to forgive your ex-spouse if you can't mentally bring yourself to do it.

Here are two alternatives to moving on from your divorce and into another relationship:

1. Allow yourself to grieve


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Yes, the grieving process sucks, but it's good for you to release that pain in order to slowly, but surely move on after a nasty divorce.

Once you are able to find happiness in your life again, you won't carry that emotional baggage into your next relationship. Dr. Stan Tatkin sensibly explains, "That's kind of like making sure that the seat has come open because a lot of people replace people before the seat is really empty, and then, that's a problem."

Cope by letting yourself cry or working out your aggression at the gym. Whatever helps you grieve will heal your wounds more than keeping it bottled up.

2. Assess your failed marriage 


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Looking back on your failed relationship can help you decide how you want your new relationship to be.

Ask yourself, "What values or actions can I bring to or leave out of my new relationship to keep it strong?" You can move on and find love again by working out the destructive kinks from your old marriage so you can settle comfortably into your new relationship.

This expert panel offers some great advice to forgetting and moving on without necessarily having to forgive your ex.

Just scroll above to find out how you can get back on your feet and find a new, strong relationship so you can finally leave your emotional baggage behind.

After watching the video, if you still have questions (or continue to struggle), feel free to visit their websites, or contact Jim, Stan, Colene, or Argie directly.

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