7 REAL Reasons Why Guys Fall Asleep With Their Hands In Their Pants

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Why Men Fall Asleep With Hands In Their Pants
Love, Sex

Our resident male sheds the light on one of life's greatest mysteries.

Have you ever seen a guy asleep with his hands down his pants and wonder: why? Well, science finally has an answer for you. And by science, I mean my broken brain.

I'm here to shed light on the questions you never wanted answers to, or even thought to ask in the first place.

Here are 7 reasons men fall asleep with their hands in their pants. Mostly I'm just wondering why you DON'T. You're seriously missing out.

1. We fell asleep before playing with ourselves.

Listen ladies, there's A LOT of porn out there. And we have to watch all of it. It's exhausting, really.


2. Our hands were cold — and our balls were warm.

It’s all about equilibrium. The body generally keeps the balls at a constant temperature for sperm-related motives. It’s only natural to seek balance in life.


3. Our balls were cold  and our hands were warm.

Sometimes, the reverse is true. If only we spent as much care and dedication in other things in life as we do on our genitals. What a waste of time that would be.


4. Our junk is unsafe without protection.

Falling asleep around unruly children or pets can put your junk in peril. Getting hit below the belt feels like Pearl Harbor happening exclusively to your groin. Better safe (and weird) than sorry.


5. We're hopelessly waiting for a Beyoncé dream.

We're trying to compel our subconscious into giving us what reality never could: a chance to be Jay-Z without having to live life with a face like that.


6. Fate and chance can be cruel.

Anything's possible in a chaotic universe. Sometimes, you have to let the chips fall where they may.


7. It's a force of habit.

I mean, why does junk even exist if you're not gonna mess with it? Our hands basically have a dead reckoning to find their way back to our groin area.


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