What's worse: dead fish or sword for tongue?
My first kiss was terrible: I was 16 years old — a late bloomer. I had crushed on a friend for most of the school year, so when he finally made his move I didn’t want to ruin the moment with my inexperience. How do I move my tongue? I thought. Unlike many of my peers, I hadn’t practiced on a girl or on my own hand. What if I suck? I panicked.
Before I could finalize a kissing strategy, my crush leaned in. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and went with the flow — until it felt like a torpedo had landed in my mouth. His tongue went full-speed ahead, and I swore off kissing him for good.
My next kissing experiences were an improvement. Still, from time to time there comes a guy that attacks my tongue in the same manner. I know you can all relate as we have all locked lips with a crappy kisser.
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Here are some other things men do to turn us off with just one kiss:
1. Talking While Kissing
You’re on the sofa making out with a hot papi and he begins to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. That’s nice, you think.
But then he won’t stop. He yaps like a teenage girl who’s looking for reassurance after a first date. Every time he nibbles on your lower lip, he asks, “do you like that?” He plants another smooch and keeps mumbling. Shut up, hombre! Just kiss me!
What a buzz kill.
2. Swallowing Your Mouth
What’s worse than talking incessantly while kissing? A man that kisses you and wants to swallow your entire face! All in one swoop, he takes in your lips, tongue, nose and your...chin?
This move is for the Hannibal Lecter of lovers.
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3. Slobbering like a Puppy
I love dogs, but I don’t allow them to lick me and slobber all over my face. So why would I want a man to do so? Listen, I get it: saliva is par for the course when making out. But for the love of God, swallow some of that spit and keep your spit string to yourself cause it’s landing all over me, man!
I dated this guy that liked to lick my lips while we kissed. His licking felt amateurish. He didn’t nibble or bite my lips just a little before licking my bottom lip. He didn’t improvise various kissing techniques. He licked my lips like he was a kid eating a paleta.
In other words, not sexy at all!
5. Dead Lips
An overactive tongue is bad, but kissing someone whose lips do not move at all takes the cake.
When a man kisses you, you want to feel passion. As women, we want to feel desired by the man that has caught our eye. Kissing dead lips feels like you’re kissing someone who isn’t that into you, or who’s dead? Crap!
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This article was originally published at Latina . Reprinted with permission from the author.