8 Things My Boobs Would Say (If They Could Talk)

Photo: WeHeartIt
woman in her bra

It's time to get some things off of your chest.

Most women have a love/hate relationship with their boobs, and how can you blame us? My chest and I have totally been frenemies since day one. Sometimes, they're the perfect wing-women and can help me score without me having to say a word. But they can also be a total PAIN IN THE ASS. 

When you’re a member of the big ta-tas club, you pretty much get used to the feeling that comes with finally finding the perfect bra to get your sexy on  only for it to cut off your circulation and introduce you to the “Octo-boob”.  

UGH, the struggle doesn't get any more real than that.

But whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em, it's obvious your boobs definitely have a mind of their own — and guess what? They're probably just as tired of your sh*t!

If they could talk, here's what they'd say:

"Why must you stab us in the heart?"
Photo: Giphy
guy holding two chickens gif

I don't care what anyone says. Underwire bras are pure evil. I can probably count on my hands the amount of times those pesky suckers have shanked me. Wearing underwire should be a crime.

"Free us!"
Photo: Giphy
will and carlton stuck in jail

Getting to rip your bra off and let the girls run free at the end of the day is the best thing EVER. Even better than sex.

"Why are we wearing this?!"
Photo: Giphy
Rachel from Friends

Wearing that old, worn down bra seemed like a really good idea at the time ... until you decided to have company over. Nothing says sexy time like a torn bra from Forever 21's bargain bin, am I right?

“Eyes up here, pal.”
Photo: Giphy
do the creep dance

WE SEE YOU. You're not fooling anyone.

“It’s like a sauna in here.”
Photo: Tumblr
Nelly hot in here

Two words: Boob. Sweat.

“We’re going to need a bigger boat.”
Photo: Giphy
cat jumping into box

Having double D's isn't always as sexy as it sounds. Exhibit A: The button-down shirt. Make one wrong move and that second button will jump ship as soon as you've got one sleeve on.

“No I don’t want your attention, I’m just cold.”
Photo: Giphy
cold dalmation outisidd

The fact that everyone can tell when you're cold is not amusing at all. And when you have a big chest, you can't even be sly by slipping on another bra; it'll just emphasize your soldiers standing at attention.

"We're not cut out for this!"
Photo: Buzzfeed

Exercising is the absolute WORST. End of story.



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