Never say never.
By Sujeiry Gonzalez
There’s a Spanish saying that goes: “Mejor estar sola que mal alcompañada” (Better to be alone than in bad company), and I completely agree. No one should be in a relationship for the sake of being one. A lifetime of romantic disconnect is a high price to pay for lackluster companionship. If and when things go south with your lover, and your needs are not being fulfilled, end the relationship — that’s what a breakup is for.
But what if your ex wants you back? He calls incessantly with his voice full of remorse and regret. Or he promises to do better the second time around, to listen and be a supportive boyfriend like you always wanted. Do you start over with a past love? Should you? Or is an ex an ex for reason — no if’s, and’s or but’s about it?
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It depends on the relationship and the reasons why it ended. Never say never and maybe, you should even say yes. Here are five reasons to give your ex another chance:
1. Too Much Distance
You start dating and everything is great. Suddenly, he needs to leave town due to job relocation. You try long distance, but it’s a bust after only 6 months. And so, you break up, cursing the state of Wisconsin (where my imagination sends lovers that relocate) every time you see a block of cheese. What if he comes back and wants to rekindle your love? Say yes, chica. Sure, he could've stayed, but a man’s gotta work. If you break up because of distance and he then returns to you (and your city) for good, work it out.
2. Perspective and Maturity
Let’s face it: women mature faster than men, so he may just need time to grow up. I know a gal who is now married with children to a guy who was a commitment-phobe. He had to become a man and realize how important she was to him. When he did, she embraced him with open arms — but only after he proved that he had los pantalones bien puesto.
3. High School Sweethearts
Speaking of immaturity, it is really tough to maintain a relationship that began during adolescence. Kudos to those couples who manage to do so because it’s a challenging feat to grow together as a couple when you don’t even know who you are as an individual. That’s why I think it’s lovely when high school or college sweethearts reconnect after decades. This is when giving an ex another go turns into a second chance at love.
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4. Silly Fighting
Every couple fights, but some fighting can kill a relationship. If you threw in the towel due to arguments and your ex wants to reconcile, hear him out. You may just need to work on communicating as a couple. If you love each other, seek a therapist to help you express your concerns in a healthy manner.
5. A Loving and Healthy Relationship
It’s safe to say that love trumps all. Even when you want to be strong, if you love him it’s only a matter of time before you take him back. We’ve all been there, right? Right. But should you? Only if the relationship with the one you love is a healthy one. Si no, no vale. That’s when you leave the past in the past because you will be better off alone, or with the next stud.
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This article was originally published at Latina. Reprinted with permission from the author.