Yikes.
By Tom Miller — Written on Mar 23, 2015
Sex drive, like Madame Ocean, she ebbs and she flows. Hormones and novelty-seeking neurochemicals make it a little tricky to maintain a constant level of attraction. The good news is that maybe you get to know each other a little better when you don't have this constant flushed-face, chest-tightening, groin-aching need to jump one another. Or not. At some point in virtually every relationship someone gets sick of f*cking someone.
Here are 18 signs it's happening to you:
1. He has a long-established stated preference for morning sex and all suddenly he's Johnny Let's-Go-To-Brunch-At-9AM.
It could also be that he's recently discovered French Toast.
2. He starts arguments at night so he has to sleep on the couch.
It could also be that it's better for his sore back.
3. He begins describing your bed as "this is where the magic happened."
It could also be that you recently quit practicing illusions in your bedroom.
4. He's started taking 90-minute "showers" and for some reason brings his laptop. Plus your lotion budget has gone through the roof.
It could also be that he's taken up a job in coal mining and really needs to get clean and long, hot showers do dry out the skin…
5. He's become obsessed with the filmography of Barbara Streisand; no man's testosterone can stand up to that onslaught.
It could also be that he's been watching a lot of Coffee Talk and wants to know what the hubbub is about.
6. He considers Bruce Jenner to be his personal lord and savior.
It could also be he's never seen a Kardashian-related show and he loves the 70s decathlete.
7. You put a move on him and he accuses you of being "thirsty" even if he submits to your wiles.
It could also be that he means the original definition of thirsty, and not the hip-hop synonym for horny.
8. He's stopped sexually harassing you with any regularity.
It could also be that he thinks you were serious about his "roving hands."
9. He's really let himself go.
It could also be that he's being bullied at his gym.
10. His massages stop at the equator.
It could also be that he knows you carry your tension in your shoulder blades.
11. He stares at you less when you're nude.
It could also be that he's crying because of how beautiful you look and he doesn't want you to catch him.
12. He's stopped dropping "that's what she said" with the same precision he once did.
It could also be that his tolerance for entendres has run its course.
13. He's gotten into frighteningly good shape.
It could also be that he's been fat-shamed one time too many and he's looking for revenge.
14: He's said something like, "this has really lost some of its luster."
It could be he's referencing your tarnished brass headboard.
15. He only wants to do it in one position and, hint-hint, it's not one where he's looking at you.
It could also be that you've gotten a great quote tattooed on your back and he likes to read it for 80 to 90 sweaty seconds.
16. His jokes about a threesome seem less "joke-y" than before.
It could also be he that wants to go golfing with you and another stunningly attractive lady.
17: He is definitely having sex with someone else.
It could be he was giving her CPR, one thing led to another … I can't finish that one.
18: You've stopped trying.
It could be you're sick of having sex with him.